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Realigning to the new

June 3, 2020 by craniohealing Leave a Comment

Introduction

One of the many positive things arising from the current global pause in normal routine is that habitual things are falling away. Not because we have made choices to let things go, but because they aren’t possible, available or allowed. And after a sustained absence, other things don’t make sense anymore. I’m going to reflect on the space that is opening up in people’s physical lives, as well as their emotional and spiritual lives at this time.

Just as the planet seems to be healing itself at record speed, we as humans are also self-healing organisms. If the ozone hole can close itself and the birdsong regenerate, maybe we can also improve some of our least helpful behaviours. We’re being given a huge chance to stop, reflect and realign. The difference is this time, it’s not about what we should do, but what matters to each of us individually. In this sense, there is no right or wrong, but there is truth. And authenticity. The question is how do we find and recognise it?

Common Responses to Change

I’ve noticed that during the pause phase people have tended to adopt one of two general positions. They either call everyone they know, zoom, skype, WhatsApp chat in every imaginable way and are inseparable from their phone for security. My other friends and I included did less connecting. Personally I found the amount of virtual contact overwhelming. I needed more space, more quiet, less activity just to process what was happening. Like many others, I enjoyed the space, I sank into it, expanded. Are you one of the people who felt guilty at turning down online quiz invitations dancing online because it felt wierd? You weren’t alone. We all have different ways of coping, and neither is right nor wrong. Those people who were able to let go of clinging to the outside sources of connection were able to sit with a few waves of fear and drop through to the other side.

I can only speak for myself, some clients that I have accompanied through this process and a few more friends. I am not speaking for everyone. The media has not portrayed quarantine isolation as positive for mental health on the whole. Yet I noticed that there was a strong instinct in many people that the “isolation” is good. It’s healthy, and its an incredible opportunity. Some people expressed regret when the lockdown began to ease. Myself included. Until I realised that there was no need to return to previous behaviours.

My own story

During lockdown I have planted enough vegetables to feed a village, improved off-grid self-reliance on my farm, supplied people with food plants and seeds, looked after various animals, supported people to start allotments and finish construction tasks like rainwater collection and so on. I have connected more deeply with nature and begun to appreciate what I have always had – myself, my place on the earth and my ability to respond and take care. I have shopped for others, smiled, shared, encouraged and generally grown into the person I have always felt I could be in response to the fear and despair around me. I have stood up to the police and spoken out against the removal of our basic rights. Going back to how things were before doesnt even cross my mind. And I have realised that no-one can make me. I’ve moved on. We always have a choice…

Letting Go

So what actually changed? I have been asking many people what they noticed and modified in their lives over the last couple of months. One of the main things that seem to have dropped away is an external compulsion. That feeling of having a gun to your head when you get out of bed to start your working day is part of life for so many. But actually it’s a gun you normally hold there for yourself. Dropping the gun allows space for a natural pace to set in, for more ease, wonder, and connection both within yourself and with the living world around you. People listened to birdsong. They tasted food. They made new food! It’s only when you relax and let go for long enough for this to become habitual that you can begin to override lifelong programming to do, to be, to achieve.

For many people, this has been possible because the drive to work has been taken away. Some people had saved money and so they felt safe enough to relax for a month or two. Other people had state aid. Still more lost their livelihoods and decided to get creative. Others despaired. And yet because this has gone on long enough the common denominator is that it has begun to make more sense to do what we want and to feel good than it does to stick to well-worn routines that feel responsible. And adult. Something has changed forever. And we all feel this. Money is no longer the only motivating factor. Kindness and the common good, as well as nature’s right to exist has returned into our awareness.

But what about money?

The drive to make money for survival has been a strong fear factor for many. This in itself is making people wonder… Is life really about money? Does money matter when you die? Can you eat money? If you can’t eat it then why is it so important? What does it mean if you can’t save your dying parent and can’t even fly to bury them? These are powerful experiences that shatter long-accepted and ingrained truths about life. So if these aren’t true, what else isn’t? And so the questioning has slowly filtered downwards through our cores. Many are realising that things including food may be in short supply. So they are taking action to plant food. These actions are empowering and create sovereignty, independence from authority. This can allow you space to reclaim your own.

Clarity and Simplicity

So what has really changed? When we let go we create space. If we can detach from external supports and just be in that uncomfortable unfamiliar space then we meet deeper parts of ourselves. The desire to make ice-cream has surprised me recently. Its sounds superficial but for me, the discovery has been profound. Enriching, uplifting, making me laugh out loud and incredibly joyful. I wonder what yours have been… I’ve had so many! My sense is that people are beginning to make choices based on their own happiness, their essential values, needs and their own wellbeing.

With less stuff, less activity and fewer options in the picture some core values are becoming clearer. We feel good when we include others and help them out. We love certain simple things like sunshine, good chocolate and talking to a friend and we need these in our lives. The winner of the undervalued commodity that is coming to the fore must surely be the HUG! What an amazing gift to be hugged and not let go of after two months without human touch.

Discerning Truth

This is not a political piece of writing. And yet I will say that when you begin to reconnect with your own inner needs, desires, joy and clarity some external things begin to look ridiculous. Policies, rules and regulations are so illogical and lacking in common sense that you do wonder if it’s the authorities that are insane or you are. This is only because you are regaining your own discernment. By discovering your own inner road-map you are then able to start to discern whether the outer world’s actions resonate with your own well-being and interest or not.

This is very very important. There is no such thing as good or bad, and I say this because all emotion, all action is part of a whole, which has light, dark and grey aspects. If you’ve done work on your own shadow or suppressed emotion, you will understand what I’m referring to. And yet there is such a thing as authenticity. In every moment there is something that is true for you, from the inside. It’s something that you feel, not something that you know with your thinking head. And right now many people are being forced to have the opportunity to feel deeper and to listen to themselves. This is partly thanks to the pantomime nature of what is being acted out on the global state which no adult with half an ounce of common sense can be asked to take seriously.

What to do about the news

I have found myself so confused in trying to get to the bottom of “news” and current affairs narratives, that I have had to let go. When science that we learnt at school about immunity is being questioned and dismissed, even about basic functioning of the immune system, when everything known is twisted and manipulated it doesn’t make sense to fight back. I let go and went into myself, and decided to connect more with the natural world around myself in order to preserve my sanity. Has anyone else experienced this I wonder? Is it responsible for the huge upsurge in happy gardeners in the UK and elsewhere?

What comes next?

People are asking what comes next. If you have discovered that you will be out of a job permanently or that what you were doing no longer makes sense to you, it may be that you are about to find what you’ve always been looking for… But didn’t’ even realise! We are so incredibly fortunate to be alive at this moment and going through this internal and external shift globally. I would suggest that what comes next is to keep stripping away the layers, to keep feeling, to keep exploring.

It’s not the time to jump back to any kind of routine or pick up the pieces. Leave them scattered where they are and step softly on and through. Or just stand and gaze at them a while longer. Whichever feels right to you.

The world has shifted, and so will you. Health comes from the inside. It is a self-generating principle of life. It doesn’t matter what you were doing before or who you were being. It matters what you are feeling now and what is emerging.

How do you realign yourself and your life?

We aren’t trained to withstand these processes at school, and mostly they aren’t mentioned. The reason why our governments are able to impose so many arbitrary rules that restrict our basic rights and freedoms right now is that so many people are disconnected from their inner power, and their inner ability to decide what is good for themselves. This gap in inner connection is where fear lives. And fear makes people vulnerable to external manipulation.

The antidote is to regain inner connection – the tools I use are craniosacral awareness, dance, walking, planting vegetables, tending animals and meditation. I’m sure there are many more. I am sometimes very afraid, but I never let my fear stop my action because I trust my body, and I know that I am connected to the source of all life. My impulses are aligned with life which is why things flow for me. When I don’t know what to do, I wait until the action arises. Or I put my body in motion and see what it does. These are two ways to approach the same issue from different perspectives. Just as you can approach physical health from the bodily or emotional/mental side. They both lead to healing, but if tackled together the result is often faster.

The Process of Realigning

The process I use develops through a conversation that takes you closer to your own truth. We can do this online or in person. It’s actually quite scientific as well as intuitive. First, we notice what no longer feels like it fits, what feels off or heavy or stressful. We put it aside. Then we use your emotional experiences and states to start to explore what you can move towards, what feels good. You can understand what you really want even if it feels far off right now. Sometimes we may also use the body through simple movement, breathing or visualisation exercises. The more clarity you gain about what really belongs in your life and what doesn’t the more you come alive. The energy feeds a positive cycle.

Next Steps

If any of what I have written resonates for you, and you’re not sure what your next steps are please get in touch. I offer a one-hour realignment session that gives you an overview of where you are now and what you need to get clear on and how in order to help you move forwards with ease. I’ve been working with people to help them connect with and live from their souls for many years. The emotional and embodied tools are simple to apply once you understand that your body and emotions are a compass to your place in life. Please let me know your experiences and insights, and feel free to get in touch. Each one of us counts and our contributions to the whole are perfectly individual… happy exploring.

Empowering Parents to Keep their Children Healthy

May 21, 2020 by craniohealing Leave a Comment

Introduction

We’re living at an interesting time because the cracks in the status quo are starting to show. Issues like ADHD, autism, Asperger’s and environmental toxins are common knowledge. Campaigns are raging pro and against vaccination and all sorts of other issues affecting children are headline news. It doesn’t matter which side of the arguments you decide to support from my perspective. What matter is that you reached your conclusion yourself from your own experience and research, rather than believing someone else. Each child is different and parents know their own children best.

I was just recently in the USA where I was observing children and parents with great interest. The USA has the highest rates of autism, ADHD and childhood disorders on the planet. They have also have the most processed sugar and fat-laden diet, and have awarded 4 billion dollars in compensation to parents for vaccine injuries. There is plenty of food for thought…

Why Today’s Parents need Empowerment

The media run daily fear-inducing health scares and different business interests promote drugs as safe or preventative that then go on to kill people. Therefore parents need to be on their toes and using their common sense to screen some of the more harmful influences out of their children’s lives. Being embodied and noticing how things affect you or your child are essential. You have to be your own health advocate. This begins with food additives like MSG and aspartame, which are both extremely damaging to a growing child’s development. Many of the conditions I have seen in children have been treated solely with diet and supplementation. .This says a lot about both the poor quality of nutrition and children’s ability to bounce back. Their bodies have a strong innate healing capacity.

The reason that I feel parents need empowering is that clearly something is not all right as far as healthy child development is concerned. As a society something is off for children. And yet the information being offered by mainstream health professionals is not complete, based mainly on medicating rather than looking at diet and lifestyle, and often doesn’t make sense. Children are totally vulnerable to what their parents – or their school or culture – decide for them, and I’m here to help parents take a stand in their children’s best interests, whatever it is that they personally decide.

I’m not sure that there is a right and a wrong per se. Since every child is unique it is very important that each parent make their own assessment since they know their child by far the best. Vaccinate or not? How much and when? Special needs school or extra tuition? Additive-free diet or steroids for asthma? There are endless choices when issues arise. How do you decide?

Tools for making health decisions

So what are the tools that parents need to make their own assessment of their child and meet their individual needs? I’ve spent decades observing children and getting inside their minds to see things from their perspective. I bring years of anthropological observation of indigenous cultures to what I do. My nervous system is in the extremely sensitive range, and the everyday challenges I face navigating normal life have given me tools that help me translate children’s experiences for their parents. What I discovered in the process is that there are two very key elements that parents need.

Embodied Experience or Presence

One is embodied experience – through using my body and emotions as a sensor or satellite dish I discovered that it is very simple to pick up what is going on for others. This is why I think craniosacral practice (learning to experience body sensation) is such a phenomenal tool for supporting parents. It helps them getting in touch with their own abilities to sense their children and know what’s going on. Absolutely anyone can learn this – it’s an innate human ability. Being present and embodied is just about learning to experience the current moment exactly as it is. If you’re interested in knowing more about this, you can find a variety of information here.

The first step to empowering you as parents to make positive decisions for your children is to enable you to sense your child and their needs for yourself. Then you can intuit what would support them. I call this looking afresh without judgment. It is extraordinary how simple things can become for the child when parents just take a good look with an open mind.

Empathetic Attuned Relationship

The second skill that empowers parents is learning a more attuned way of relating. Some people call it empathy, others talk about attuned attention. It’s a way of relating to another person where you allow yourself to receive emotional and mental information about them without judging. It also includes learning to really listen without thinking or answering back.It makes all the difference to your child’s development because they need this in order to develop a sense of themselves and of their innate talents and characteristics.

The bonus is that apart from having a healthy child if you learn to do this you will likely never have to visit a psychologist or mental health professional with your child. You will have an exceptional understanding of your child that will fulfill you totally as a parent. And it’s actually very simple to do. There is more information on empathetic relating and some fascinating case studies of problem-solving in families on www.sensingchildren.com.

Communicate with your Child

Once you have got a sense of what you feel your child needs you can communicate this with them directly in an honest way. If you suggest a supplement for a child to take and explain why, they will also be able to tell you if it’s having the desired effect. Small children tend to be very honest and exact in their own descriptions of their physical and emotional state so you can get good feedback. You can figure out together what works best by trial and error, communication, and observation.

You are your child’s greatest ally

I believe that parents are the solution and greatest resource for whatever their children need whatever the cause of their children’s issues – yet we live in a global society that increasingly seems to try to tell parents what to do and to control our individual choices. This can be extremely frightening and confusing – yet if you just apply these three simple principles of sensing your body and being present, attuned relating and communication – you will be able to rely on your own perceptions.

Then you can choose your own path with peace of mind and a light heart. And as you do so, you will empower other parents to look again and open their minds afresh to observing their own children and meeting their real needs. Rather than their imagined ones. Just by applying your common sense and using your own perception when relating to your child, you can touch countless other parents and children’s lives by example. A different future begins with you.

Parenting Highly Sensitive Children in COVID19 times

May 11, 2020 by craniohealing Leave a Comment

Supporting Highly Sensitive Children during COVID19

Introduction

If you as adults are finding these times a strain, you can assume its probably worse for the highly sensitive children. Many are feeling the whole COIVD19 saga unfolding but unable to rationalise or put words to the experience. The tension children are picking up may play out in many ways. It’s very common for there to be meltdowns over seemingly unrelated minor events. Disturbed sleep, heightened clinginess and anxiety, and physical symptoms like stomach cramps, headaches, asthma, and diarrhea may also occur. In this article we will look at each aspect to find practical solutions to minimise disruption to your child and preserve your sanity. We want you as the parent to be able to cope whilst you maximise your child’s resilience.

The key factor is YOU the parent

Probably the most important factor for your child is how you as parents are handling the whole situation. Children’s nervous systems mirror their parent’s in the same way that the bottom guitar string resonates if you pluck the top one. So getting your own fear and stress under control has to be the first priority. This is easier said than done especially if you are a highly sensitive parent – but there are ways. Some basic support mechanisms are:

slow your day down, take more breaks
make sure you get physical exercise because moving the body releases emotion and prevents traumatisation
breathe consciously as much as you can – both in but also out – the outbreath is crucial for releasing fear and anxiety
Limit social media and don’t watch the news at all. If you have to, do it with headphones so your child doesn’t pick up the negativity from the TV
Limit coffee and drink herbal teas; make sure you eat regular meals so your body doesn’t go into low blood sugar panic mode
be aware not to discuss political events or scientific theories in front of your child because they will pick up on the intense emotion of the times immediately and feel out of sorts.
The good news is that if you can remain relatively normal in your mood and activities, you create a bubble of protection from world events for your child, at least whilst you are inside your home. This will give them a foundation to rest and recover from whatever else they experience when they go out. This is absolutely essential.

Your own mindset is crucial

I can’t stress enough that whatever your mindset is regarding the virus and the political measures will directly affect your child’s mental and emotional health. So work on keeping the fear out, on keeping yourself centred and positive and being an active creative agent in your own life. Whatever you can do – be it plant vegetables, volunteer to support others, clean, decorate, plan or communicate please do it. The stronger and more resilient you get the easier things will be for your child.

Dealing with the global emotion

The general underlying tension outside of your home that is also affecting many adults will not go unfelt by your children. I’m talking about the global or even country energetic field of which we all form a part. The “alert” state of being hypervigilant that most people initially experienced for a few weeks happens when the parasympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) is aroused and can’t discharge. This is exhausting and many of us spent weeks without proper sleep or digestion.

Highly sensitive adults and children will pick up on this vibe and experience it as a real threat in their environment without being able to see what it is. If your child is old enough (probably 4-5 at least) then explaining the fear and tension that a lot of people are feeling about not being able to work, about changes happening may help your child to locate the fear as outside of themselves and put it aside. Making it separate and tangible can prevent trauma (overload) and settle the system.

The importance of Touch

Physical touch – hugging, foot massage, gentle shoulder rubs – whatever normally soothes your child – can be very helpful at regular intervals. Frightened children tend to dissociate and lose touch with their bodies, and so digestion stops, they get stomach cramps and also knock into things and have more accidents.

Common Anxiety Symptoms

If you see your child not eating normally, not sleeping and expressing sysmptoms of anxiety like diarrhea (fear/terror), stomach cramps, broken or disturbed sleep (nightmares) please check your own state first. The most important thing you can do for your child is be calm and grounded yourself. The next step is to find ways to help your child calm down again.

Relaxation and Emotional Regulation

Most parents generally notice as they go along what helps their children settle and relax. In case you are stuck for ideas, everything that promotes a sense of safety and wellbeing in the body helps. Keep things slow, low key and gentle… A warm bath with lavender oil or Epsom salts, reading stories by the fire, making fairy cakes together…

If your child is in a real state an activity like walking barefoot on the grass together may help. You can suggest that your child imagines a nose on the sole of each foot that is smelling the earth as they take each step. Walk together slowly, maybe holding hands, and as you sense the soles of your feet encourage your child to sense theirs using the nose… They usually love this and it gets them reconnected with their body fast. Be creative – ask if they can smell the daisies, the grass, the earth, the worms, etc. Notice if they are breathing. If not, do some big breaths into your lower belly together whilst standing on the grass.

Symptoms of fear

If your child has persistent stomach cramps, headaches, diarrhea or develops asthma this is not necessarily anything medical to worry about. (Although do see a doctor if you suspect your child is ill). These can all be and are actually common physical manifestations of fear which highly sensitive children are especially prone to. In this case it might be helpful to see a child craniosacral therapist. They should be able to help relax the connective tissue in the abdomen/neck and stimulate the vagus nerve and sympathetic nervous system. If your child is hypersensitive or aroused most practitioners will be able to work without even touching your child. It’s a last resort but it can save you a lot of stress and worry.

How to deal with Clinginess

Has your child recently stopped being able to play on their own even for short periods, or are they demanding to sleep in your bed again? If you’re despairing that your child seems to have regressed developmentally since this all began your not alone. However please try to understand that this is a normal response. It happens when children are stressed, and it’s unlikely to be permanent. It’s just a sign of distress. Extra clinginess and not wanting to let their preferred adult out of sight would also be expected responses. Why? Because when you are fundamentally scared you want to cling onto whatever security you have at all costs. Your child is asking to feel all of you present with them so that they can feel reassured on a base survival level that someone is there for them. They need your full attention at this point.

It is incredibly challenging to have your child behave like a cling-on when they were previously at least a little independent. But if you push them away you will make things worse. You will leave a very frightened little person totally alone which I know is not what any parent does intentionally. Acceptance and reassurance would be more helpful responses. When you really can’t cope any more see if you can stay physically present but disconnect emotionally. That way you can take some space for yourself. Supplements such as magnesium or melatonin may help your child relax generally and also sleep at night. Sleep is so important for HSCs overall functioning and mood…

And the good news is…

Many highly sensitive children are actually thriving during this time of staying at home. Right now they are not having to deal with overwhelm at school and learning things that they don’t want to. So on the bright side, this can also be a great time for your child to develop a stronger sense of self and to find their own rhythm. Being creative and active creates a sense of power and agency. This minimises the risk of trauma and feelings of powerlessness that are so prevalent right now.

How can you help generate a positive experience for your child? Even setting daily tasks for help around the house like watering plants, clearing lego, making beds can serve this purpose. HS children love nature and caring for living things. You can plant seeds, grow tomatoes and basil for your windowsill, or even start an allotment. Caring for pets (and they don’t have to be your own) and doing errands for old people who need help right now are also activities that hs children can find a lot of calm and purpose in.

Conclusion

This epidemic is providing a pause. This is actually an incredibly fertile time for highly sensitive people of all ages. It allows us to be able to come back to the basics of nature, growing food and tending plants and the living environment. This can be a reset and foundation for all future activity. It also gives a good foundation for living at our own pace, and within one’s own optimal activity/rest/nutrition/social requirements. There is much less pressure from what is considered “normal” or social.

So whatever problems you encounter in your child right now, try to see them as opportunities for bringing your child right into their own centre of optimal functioning, and also as a strengthening of your relationship with them as a parent. If you have any more specific questions about your child or would like to talk about your own emotional experiences please get in touch. I’d be happy to support you at this time.

Craniosacral Therapy & Family Dynamics

January 14, 2019 by craniohealing Leave a Comment

by Mira on SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

Introduction

Craniosacral therapy can be useful for uncovering hidden family dynamics firstly in the individual parents, and secondly in the interaction between the parent and the child. Some Craniosacral practitioners are sensitive enough to observe direct energetic effects that parents have on their children and vice versa, and so can help parents to see what is going on in their interactions, as well as support the children in receiving the emotional regulation they really need.

Why bring a child for a cranio session?

Parents generally bring their children to me because they care about them, and see that in some way they are struggling or not happy, but don’t know themselves what more they can do. They sense that somehow I have some answers or know something that they don’t. What I do have in fact is a different perspective and insight into the causes and effects of emotional patterns and behaviours and how these impact the physical body… And a way of conveying or bringing to light the deeper unseen and emotional connections in family life to parents so that they can do what their child needs in a more conscious way.

So the initial point of contact is the child, and indeed some fundamental progress can be made in releasing early trauma, grounding, re-establishing relational abilities etc. However often already in the first session, it becomes apparent that the mother-child connection is contributing to the issues and maintaining or reinforcing the problems. Of course no mother wants to consciously hurt her child, or affect them adversely in any way, so this is a delicate matter which I normally approach slowly, as the mother opens to looking at her part in things of her own accord.

The solution lies with the parents

What many parents don’t realize is that when their children have problems or disturbances, these are more often than not a result of their relationships with their primary care takers. They are also influenced directly by their parent’s habitual behaviour and emotions. In many ways this is obvious since a child is a dependent being that is developing in response to the examples set by the nervous systems and behavioural patterns of the adults they copy and interact with, and in response their particular external environment.

And yet parents don’t know where to look for solutions on the whole other than at their children, partly because the cultural focus is on medicating and controlling “badly behaved” children. It is also partly because the adult’s connection to the deeper sense of self or inner wisdom has become very dilute in western society, where the tendency is to seek external help and pay an expert rather than work out the solution.

The fact remains that no two families are alike, nor are any two individuals, so there are no ideal solutions that an expert can give. The answer will always arise out of the relationship between the individual parent and the particular child. The solution is a result of the parent’s personality and authentic response, and the particular child’s character and needs.

How parents can find their own solutions

If a parent can’t really feel themselves or doesn’t know how to manage their own undulating emotional states, they would probably not be in a position to notice the effect they have on their child. Even when they do, many parents feel powerless to know what to do about it. However it is a simple fact that a parent who is unable to handle their own emotions will not be able to provide a satisfactory environment in which the child’s brain and nervous system can develop fully. A child that has no words or means to express what they sense they are lacking but can’t get, will of course feel hurt, frustrated and start acting out.

The sense in which the child’s problems are “relational” is that the child is directly influenced by the unseen emotional energies and responses emanating from the parent. If they are being overwhelmed by the parent’s unfelt rage, or suffocated by their grief, or affected by a mother’s constant nerves and hysteria, they won’t be able to do schoolwork, or play happily. This is the gross and basic level. On a more subtle level, every unfelt need and emotion in the parent’s field affects the child, who responds to the unspoken and unseen as if it were concrete, even if the parent is unaware of it. This is no-one’s fault, and yet the child is just a fresh and enthusiastic expression of maleable new life and in that sense, whatever behaviour they are exhibiting is a direct reflection of what is going on in their surroundings…

Finding solutions to problems with the kids…

The key to solving the children’s problems, ironically, lies usually not in the child, but in the parent finding their own centre, and coming into deeper feeling connection with themselves. This is where the gentle craniosacral therapy can have profound effects in supporting the parent’s process of becoming more aware of body sensation and emotions. The more grounded or embodied the parent becomes through the craniosacral sessions, the more present they are, rather than lost in their thoughts, the more able to respond with intelligence to the real needs of the child. This is very different from responding with parenting concepts they have been taught or what they think the child needs. The result is instantly visible in a happier, calmer, more co-operative, trusting and responsive child… which is way more evidence than an “expert’s” opinion that you are doing things right.

All human beings have this capacity when they are switched on and aware – we all know instinctively how to respond to another, when to back off and give space, when and where to touch another to comfort, how to generate fun and excitiement. These are innate capacities. Craniosacral therapy can help the family dynamics precisely because it brings us back in touch with our instinctive responses and drives. This helps by-pass the layers of mental conditioning that we learn from birth, and that have some very unhelpful aspects when it comes to parenting…

The challenge is sometimes to re-establish this balanced in the moment awareness, and find a way to get around (or put aside) the piles of emotional reactiveness and drama caused by our own painful and traumatic life experiences so that we can really be with the children.

Because “being with” fully and sensitively is mainly what their brains, nervous systems and sense of self require from us as adults in order to develop effectively.

Much more so than adults, children can’t cope with overwhelming emotions of rage or terror when adults express these without really experiencing them themselves, or taking responsibility for them. Their energies and boundaries are much more permeable, and their nervous systems simply not as robust or able to absorb shock. A placid seeming baby or small child may in fact be in a state of total shock and nervous system shut down for survival reasons…This is why craniosacral therapy often works especially well for them, since it is able to take account of the subtleties of their system and to allow them to rebuild broken boundaries, re-establish nerve pathways and learn to allow their life force fully…

Nevertheless it is really up to the adult care-takers to feel these emotions directly so that their toxic side-effects don’t spill over to the children. There are at least two very different experiences for a child: firstly the example of an adult who has rage or grief or terror in their energy field but is not aware of it, and is taking it out on those around them it. And secondly of an adult who is really feeling those emotions and in contact with them. The former may smother and terrify a small child and be felt keenly, and experienced as very confusing and overwhelming. The latter is not frightening for a child on the whole, even if they still experience the adult’s emotion, because it is clear that the adult is the one with that emotion, and able to handle it, own it, talk about it and say what is going on. This makes the child less prone to thinking the emotion the adult is having is their fault, and also less frightened that it will be taken out on them. It makes them feel safe.

Taking responsibility for emotions

And the key in this is for the adults taking care of children to be taking responsibility for themselves and for their own actions, reactions and emotional states. That means to be feeling the sensations and emotions in their bodies directly – which is precisely what craniosacral therapy can help you do – rather than blaming them on others or the external environment. That is all the kids need – they don’t need a zen monk who is calm and totally balanced as a parent – they just need someone who is feeling their own stuff and not inflicting it on the space around them, and even then, only most of the time.

Better still they need at least one parent who is centred enough in themselves and aware enough to be able to sense how the child is, and respond to them clearly so that they can learn to get a sense of themselves.

Effects of Craniosacral Sessions on the whole family

In the process of working with a child, and then often with the mother, a gradual emotional and mental separation of the individuals in the family happens. As each one becomes clearer in themselves and more connected with their own emotions, wishes and experience, a space of clarity opens up in the family as a whole and things begin to change. Sometimes explosive energies are released in one or more family members for a week or two as old held back energies surface to be released. But then things stablise once more. Real relationship begins to happen, where individuals can feel themselves, express what they are experiencing, ask for what they need, empathise with the other, and respond genuinely to another’s needs. Often a lot of joy and creativity are also generated in the process.

The family dynamic is unique to each constellation of individuals, and affected by generations beyond the current one. As parents see their own patterns reflected in their developing children they become aware of the way their parents behaved with them and can heal and change old rifts and conflicts within themselves.

The more honest and clear the parents become as they peel off the older layers of their own experience, with the awareness gained in craniosacral sessions, the more secure the children feel as a rule. Children long to connect with adults that they can feel are really there, that are really coming from their centre and whom they can count on to show up, to respond. That way they can get a sense of themselves and develop, which is every being’s deepest yearning.

Often one partner develops at a different rate from the other, and during sessions we gradually learn not to take things personally, and just to look at your own side of the equation, to do your own work, and let the others take care of themselves. Life has an amazing way of organising the dynamics of change within a family to provide just the right events at the right times, to fit in with what is going on externally. What looks like a catstrophe can often catalyse deep healing and a shift to a much more positive space for everyone. The key is always to stay in the open, to stay in the space of not knowing, to be with whatever emotions and impulses are arising and to trust. The process of change can be daunting at first, but as people get used to it, a sense of trust and excitement can develop for whatever will come next. The general movement is always one of allowing authenticity, expanding aliveness and joy and a sense of collective growth and evolution. It is the most wonderful thing to be involved in as a family.

As one father put it:

“I am so grateful to you for the work you have done with me and my family. I can’t even begin to express. First I learnt to feel my body, and to be more in my flow, now the answers to my business issues come to me much more easily, and the most wonderful thing is that the whole family is on board. We are making changes in our lives but we are all doing it together, so its making sense and feels like real fun. No-one is compromising and we’re finding ways to make things work for all of us together. It’s the most amazing experience…”

In that particular family the father came for sessions first, followed by the mother, and then finally the two children, who made huge progress. These happened to be parents who realized that by far the largest influence you have on your child is by example, not by co-ercion, which is why they came first, rather than sending their children. They understood rapidly that if your child is exhibiting a certain behaviour, you need to look for and correct it in yourself as the parent. Obviously such dynamics take some effort and willingness to uncover, but the effort is so worthwhile. In the words of the same father,

“I just can’t imagine where we would be now as a family without you. In the last year of working with you we have found a new direciton together, and sorted out so much of our chaos. We’re all happier and much closer than before. And we’re working with each other rather than fighting our own positions.”

Craniosacral therapy can have a huge impact on the family dynamics through the awareness it gives the individuals, and the process of growth which it catalyses. Because it is an embodied rather than thought-centred process, effects are profound and lasting.

Tagged as: craniosacral for children, Craniosacral therapy, emotional issues, family issues, issues with children, parent-child relationships, relating

The importance of diet in treating childhood “learning disorders”, ADHD, Asperger’s, Tourette’s and allergies.

January 14, 2019 by craniohealing 11 Comments

by MIRA on APRIL 24, 2014

Introduction

I’ve always approached life from the perspective that if your mind is well, bodily health will follow. And this does seem to be true. But what about the epidemic of children with ADHD, Asperger’s, Tourette’s, allergies and learning disorders? Are they all mentally disturbed? That seems unlikely. There seems to be another important theme – a basic clean diet and functioning immune system are also essentials of bodily health.

A personal story

Sometimes the body doesn’t function well because of what gets put into it, and then it needs extra attention. I was recently reminded of a time when I was extremely sick myself, and the doctors didn’t know what to do. Having done a CAT scan, EEGs, numerous blood tests and other studies, they pronounced my inability to lift my head off my pillow or cut a loaf of bread “psychogical” and said they couldn’t help me. I was still unable to think, couldn’t digest anything and was so tired and weak I could hardly make it to the bathroom. My will was strong as iron but I felt as if I was disintegrating physically. I had searing pains in my head and back and could hardly string a sentence together – I kept telling the doctors my brain felt poisoned.

As it turned out later, this was probably true. I actually had candida through my digestive system following several courses of antibiotics for typhoid, as well as mercury poisoning from 8 vaccines which i had had within a two week period to prepare for travel abroad – a fact which the doctors did not find significant. Sitting in the doctors surgery clutching my belly and my head i tried to explain that it was a problem with my gut and my head. The fact that i collapsed into bed the day of the second lot of vaccinations semed to pass by unheeded. I was sent home. Fortunately I had a dream about a book that lead me to an elimination diet. Within three weeks of a wheat, dairy and sugar free diet, I was back in the gym. I was astounded. It was a long time before I was fully better, and a long struggle with the Candida in my whole gut for which I had to take two three month courses of the antifungal Nystatin – prescribed by a homeopathic doctor. A short while later my mind cleared. However I did get better from a situation in which several had hinted I might die. It wasn’t until years later that I found craniosacral therapy, which helped release the tensions in my head that had caused so much pain. It took me over ten years to get back to normal. It must be even worse for young children who have these kind of symptoms and can’t develop. The science validating my sense of the gut-brain connection didn’t become public until ten years later, but even now that we have this crucial information, it seems that it is still being overlooked by many.

So what about the sick children?

The issues that have prompted me to share this experience are that more and more children that are brought to me extremely sick are not being treated on any kind of dietary level, and I puzzled as to why not. When I was ill i only had my own experience of my body to go on, but in 2014 we have hard evidence from stool and gut flora tests on large groups of children. Dr Natasha Campbell-Bride states that

“The mixture of toxicity in each child or adult can be quite individual and different. But what they all have in common is gut dysbiosis. The toxicity, which is produced by the abnormal microbial mass in these people, establishes a link between the gut and the brain. That is why I have grouped these disorders together and gave them a name: the Gut and Psychology Syndrome (GAP Syndrome). The GAPS children and adults can present with symptoms of autism, ADHD, ADD, OCD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, schizophrenia, depression, sleep disorders, allergies, asthma and eczema in any possible combination. These are the patients who fall in the gap in our medical knowledge. Any child or adult with a learning disability, neurological or psychiatric problems should be thoroughly examined for gut dysbiosis. Re-establishing normal gut flora and treating the digestive system of the patient has to be the number one treatment for these disorders, before considering any other treatments with drugs or otherwise.”

There is a wealth of information available about Gut and Pshychology Syndrome – GAPS – a term coined by Dr Campbell-McBride to describe what i was trying to talk to doctors about twenty years ago, which happens when the balance of healthy and unhealthy bacteria in the gastro-intestinal tract get out of balance. This can be due to taking several courses of antibiotics, which disturb the gut flora and allow unhealthy bacteria to proliferate. There are other factors like the birth process, the mother’s gut flora during pregnancy, vaccinations and then how much sugar and additives a child eats daily that can all lead in the same direction. Children living at the current time face further hazards because the amount of chemical pollution in the air, in food and water increase daily. If their body’s ability to detoxify is compromised, as described below, then they really struggle with the extra modern environmental load.

What goes wrong in the gut?

The corrective diet is based on the theory that many disorders, including autism and ADHD, are caused by imbalance in the microflora or probiotics of the digetsive tract. ?When the balance of the gut is disturbed, overgrowth of microbes creates inflammation and immune dysregulation. This situation is similar to a sprained ankle. There is swelling that puts pressure on all the cells in the area. Swelling in the digestive tract allows material from the digestive tract to escape. This is often described as “leaky gut”. Harmful or undesirable microbes can also migrate to the small intestine where they compete for nutrients and disrupt digestion by damaging enzymes needed to break down food (like GLUTEN, CASEIN, SOY AND CORN).? ? Carbohydrates, that are not completely digested, stay in the digestive tract and become “food” for unhealthy microbes. As the microbes digest the leftover carbohydrates, the fermentation damages the digestive tract.

The effects of gut imbalance

According to Dr Campbell-McBride,

“The most common pathogenic microbes shown to overgrow in the digestive systems of children and adults with neuro-psychiatric conditions are yeasts, particularly Candida species. Yeasts ferment dietary carbohydrates with production of alcohol and its by-product acetaldehyde. Let us see what does a constant exposure to alcohol and acetaldehyde do to the body.

Liver damage with reduced ability to detoxify drugs, pollutants and other toxins.

Pancreas degeneration with reduced ability to produce pancreatic enzymes, which would impair digestion.

Reduced ability of the stomach wall to produce stomach acid.

Damage to immune system.

Brain damage with lack of self-control, impaired co-ordination, impaired speech development, aggression, mental retardation, loss of memory and stupor.

Peripheral nerve damage with altered senses and muscle weakness.

Direct muscle tissue damage with altered ability to contract and relax and muscle weakness.

Nutritional deficiencies from damaging effect on digestion and absorption of most vitamins, minerals and amino acids.

Deficiencies in B and A vitamins are particularly common.

Alcohol has an ability to enhance toxicity of most common drugs, pollutants and other toxins.

Alteration of metabolism of proteins, carbohydrates and lipids in the body.

Inability of the liver to dispose of old neurotransmitters, hormones and other by-products of normal metabolism. As a result these substances accumulate in the body, causing behavioural abnormalities and many other problems.

Acetaldehyde is considered to be the most toxic of alcohol by-products. It is the chemical, which gives us the feeling of hangover. Anybody who experienced a hangover would tell you how dreadful he or she felt. Children, who acquire abnormal gut flora with a lot of yeast from the start, may never know any other feeling. Acetaldehyde has a large variety of toxic influences on the body. One of the most devastating influences of this chemical is its ability to alter the structure of proteins. Acetaldehyde – altered proteins are thought to be responsible for many autoimmune reactions. Children and adults with neuro-psychiatric problems are commonly found to have antibodies against their own tissues.”

That is one long and wide-reaching list of sysmptoms. Isn’t it asstounding that many of the symptoms that children with learning disorders experience, such as foggy brain, not being able to think or speak, inability to concentrate, co-ordinate their movement, involuntary muscle movements are all symptoms of digestive dysfunction and consequent central nervous sytem breakdown? When we look at the link between digestion and the brain function it becomes clear that in this whole spectrum of childhood symptoms, tackling diet can be a very useful start to improving bodily health and reducing symptoms. If substances are blocking and affecting nerve fucntioning int he brain, then those substances need to be removed urgently.

How can we tell if a child may have gut issues?

Even without medical tests, there are obvious physical symptoms like bloating, stomach-ache and frequent farting. Tiredness, lethargy, emotional swings, black circles under the eyes, and rough or lumpy facial skin are also common. From a simple practical perspecitve, when i look at a child i can sense immediately if they have internal disconnects. They don’t respond as fast, often have a foggy look around their eyes, move clumsily and just don’t seem all there.

Yesterday i was in the park with my sister’s son and his friend. I commented that the other boy seemed in quite a state, and she said he had recently had another lot of vaccinations and had been quite out of sorts since. She could see what i was describing – in her words “yes even i can see that broad as daylight”. These children need help and they need the adults around them to notice that there is a problem.

When children are diagnosed with a condition like Tourette’s which is said to be “untreatable” (not the case in my personal experience), the first place to look would be diet and gut health. Once gut health is restored and the immune system has been boosted symptoms are likely to imrpove. It just makes sense. Even if you doubt the science, it is worth following these procedures and taking the improvements in your child’s health as evidence that you are doing the right thing.

If symptoms don’t improve significantly, it is worth doing a general bodily detox for heavy metals. Again, you can google this online. It just involves taking certain supplements. If the body’s ability to detox is severely impaired, this may get it going again. Isn’t that a bit extreme? I hear you wonder. Yes, it does seem unlikely and shocking that a child as young as 8 or 9 years of age should need to detox their body. However the effects of vaccines, mercury fillings and heavy metals ingested form food can be extremely strong in some children, and the mercury that lodges in the brain really seems to impair cognitive function. I have no evidence for this other than the experiments I have done on myself, and my observations from watching what happens to people’s ability to think, their bodily ability to detox and their general levels of energy and well-being when they do a mercury detox. But isn’t that enough?

We are what we eat – literally – and I think that the modern generation of western children sadly demonstrate that what is being eaten is sub-standard and a least partly toxic. Processed foods are not foods – they are mainly preservatives and additives – ie toxins. You only have to look at the figures for ADHD, Asperger’s, Autism and so on and realize how rapidly they have increased in the last decade to begin to wonder. Can it really just be that busy working parents are neglecting their children? It’s not likely to be the only factor. All these conditions seem to affect the central nervous system, in ways like those described by the effect of GAPS.

So if you have a child, or are yourself suffering from excessive tiredness, foggy thinking, inability to concentrate, low level depression, bloated stomach and gas, and difficutly digesting then take a look on the internet and inform yourself about a basic wheat, dairy and sugar free diet. It is also helpful to get a Candida test done, so that you know the extent of candida overgrowth in your gut. If so, you need to treat it as its very unlikely to die off completely just through diet. Supplement the diet with a good probiotic, omega 3s from a non-mercury contaminated source, and and grapefruit seed extract or another natural antimicrobial. If you or your child have cognitive issues, you also need to include all the B vitamins, especially vitamin B3, B6 and B12 (methylcoblamin), vitamin C, E and selenium to boost the immune system, MSM or alpha lipoic acid to get the detoxification process going again. These are the basics things to look at, but you will need to look up your own information. You may also need more specialist information on doing liver or kidney cleanses, but they are all available online, as well as from a variety of alternative health practitioners. Don’t listen to people who say it doesn’t help, because it does, it can really make all the difference in most cases, and can even safe your life.

Some useful websites for the basic information are:

www.gaps.me/?page_id=20 – basic info on the gut-brain connection to get you motivated

http://tariganter.wordpress.com/2012/08/10/anti-fungal-treatment-for-candida-and-intestinal-yeast-overgrowth/ – useful information on natural antifungals and nystatin protocol

There will be more information about healing childhood issues in my forthcoming book: Sensing Children. To find out about publication and follow new developments, please see my facebook page: Facebook/Mira-Watson-Author for more parenting and child health information.

Please feel free to share this article, but please give credit to the author. Thank you

How Empathy can change the world – one child at a time

May 25, 2014 by craniohealing Leave a Comment

Dear friends,

I have never met many of you who have signed up to receive inspirations. I’m so glad you did and thank you for being interested. Today i’m particularly excited about what i’m writing. Things around the globe are changing fast and many people are coming out with bold and timely ideas.

I have a vision of a planet full of people all doing what they love most, contributing their unique genius and spending their lives following their passions and enjoying themselves. Where my vision differs is that those people didnt have to do years of painful soul searching in mid-life after dysfunctional or unfulfilled lives. instead they were raised by parents who understood the importance of acknowledging their emotions and supporting their soul connection so they were living lives they loved right from the start.
Those parents who raised them are you – the parent reading this. You can be the cause of that reality. In fact you are the only person who can be. The future is literally in your hands.

Yes that sounds like a good idea, but Is it hard? How do i support my child’s soul connection? What are the practical aspects? you might be thinking.

It’s not hard – in fact it mainly involves being present and non-judgemental. Some people call it empathy. I call it Sensing Children. I’ve written a whole book about it because i think its so important. It comes naturally to me and I havealways known how to do it, but recently I’ve realised that I can describe how to do it step by step. Part of it is you getting more in touch with your own experience and the other aspect is an alert and aware way to be with your child. Being with, doing nothing. Whats important first and foremost is that are sensing and feeling yourself – because unless you can direclty experience yourself in a calm state where you observe whats going on inside you with spacious awareness, its impossible to accept another. So step 1 is being able to centre, ground and feel yourself. Modern life is very fast and chaotic so it can take some getting used to – but with ten minutes of practice a day you will get the hang of it. Step 2 is then almost automatic because this opens up a very spacious awareness that doesn’t judge. I describe it as observation without labelling – you look, but you don’t name things, you just feel and observe them. Just as facts, not as value-laden judgements. Even words like anger or shopping carry memmories and emotions for most people. Its possible to notice anger without labelling it anger, just by feeling and recognising the energy. You can notice facial expressions, physical sensations, unspoken words, thoughts, desires – its all there, and this is being with or non-judgement. Another word for it is love – and i experience it like an active love that we can choose to give.

Being with or not judging is a form of giving. You give space, give attention, give acceptance. And the person receiving feels acceptance, attention, space to be as they are and love. For these things are love. And they can only be given if you can first give them to yourself. What has all of this got to do with children’s souls? When you can be with yourself and children without judgement they stay connected with their souls, and their sense of joy and in being themselves increases. They have no reason to judge or disown parts of themselves, and they stay whole and able to express their soul’s creative impulses.

I have to say a few more words about the power of being with things as they actually are. People want things to be different which is why they come to see me. But what i do is i show them how they actually are, which is what they haven’t been seeing, and why there is a problem in the first place. Its quite humorous really that all i can actually give them is an experience of how they are, and this transforms them. But isn’t this a bigger lesson for life? That when we can really sink into how things are right now they open and move? It’s the resistance and reluctance to experience this very moment that causes all the pain. Especially when parents cant cope with how their children are. With parents it their acceptance of their own state and their feelings about the child that open all the doors for them to be with the child. There is nothing wrong with any of the feelings. Being a parent is an extremely tough and challenging job. In the moment that parents can accepet how they are it also suddenly becomes clear to them what to do or say with their child. It arises as a natural response once they become present and connect with themselves. Isnt that simple and elegant?

For more inspiration, simple practical suggestions and resources for parents please go to www.facebook.com and look up mira watson – author.

My book for parents called Sensing Children has just been submitted for publishing.
Please would you click “like” on that page as it increases my chances of getting the book published.

I am very shy of promoting myself or asking for help, however i feel its really important that the information in this book gets to as many parents as possible, so please do support me on facebook. I also post informational articles, links and questions that allow your concerns to be addressed in the book.

Thank you for reading.
You are welcome to share this article but please give credit to the author.
All rights reserved, Mira Watson 25th May 2014

Healing through non-judgement: the most powerful tool

February 4, 2013 by craniohealing Leave a Comment

by MIRA on FEBRUARY 4, 2013

Introduction

When a parent brings me a child for a healing session i am full of curiosity to meet this little being. I watch the child like a wild animal watches the surroundings. Open, alert, inquisitive, finely tuned, sensing all available information. Yesterday i observed a three year old playing with a kitten. The kitten sneezed, and the little girl copied the kitten exactly, without aggression or judgement. Her mother was amazed at her exquisite presence and at how much she notices. This is the quality of attention that creates healing.

Often the parent is looking for some kind of diagnosis since this is the form of labelling they may be used to from the western medical system. I have to block that out and leave it aside or it interferes with the healing work. My task is to see and to be with what is actuallly in front of me, and that is all. Observation without judgement. No labelling, no ccriticism and no thought. I mirror the children. I feel their unexpressed joy and i bring it out of them. It just happens. I am with them and they feel appreciated and appreciate themselves. They start smiling and laughing from deep in their bellies, and running around stamping their feet. Just because i observe without judging. It really is that simple.

What is non-judgement?

This is what happens through pure observation, or being-with. Its only possible to be with someone else’s experience if you put aside all concepts, labels and thought. For labels and judgements actually define reality. They put a structure to things which may or may not be there, and then people, especially children, tend to behave according to them because they feel these invisible ideas and respond unconsciously. It has been proven at the level of particle physics that what happens to a particle on one side of the planet can affect a particle on the other side. The same principle applies in human relationships. The quality of the observation affects the observed. Seer and seen are one. Literally.

As soon as we label a person with an illness, or a child with a learning disorder, we lock them in a prison cell by giving them an incorrect identity. It is incorrect because it does not encompass all of their being, just part. For a start there may be a range of fluctuating symptoms that arent really the classic illness. And secondly it reinforces the sickness by placing emphasis on the symptoms, rather than focusing on the health. Lastly such labellibg definess and fixes reality, rather than opening the door for a cure, and for other possibilities. That this is the norm in the medical profession is slightly surprising, but less so in the context of marketing pharmaceuticals. The labels create sicknesses which can only be cured by expensive medication, which in some cases have to be taken permanently. So that’s a lot of money. The back up system to make people believe is fear instilled by patient’s own ignorance and lack of trust in themselves, plus a power laden medical system where doctors have the authority. These are not cynical comments, they are meant to highlight the allopathic medical system as just one way of seeing things, and not the truth or ultimate reality. It is not. I have seen quite a number of people heal from medicated diseases in a couple of sessions. But usually it only happens if the patient is able and willing to give up their diagnosis, and just be as they are. The point is that the labelling and judgement within the way of looking at diseases is part of what perpetuates them and prevents a cure.

The power of non-judgement

I’m not sure why i decided to write about non-judgement today. It has always seemed so obvious to me, and yet when i go for a treatment myself i often feel judged, i feel the healer’s expectations and wanting to change me, and i don’t enjoy it. It doesn’t work. In my experience it is the most important and most helpful thing i have discovered. Its not really a thing either, its a nothing. These are often the most powerful. Another word for non-judgement is acceptance, only non-judgement is more neutral and gives space. Without it there is no healing. If we want or intend something from or for another the magic can’t happen. Wants and intentions affect others and are a subtle form of judgement that things should be different. The most powerful space opens in that tiny gap between seeing, being with and not judging. In that space there is presence, and it is infinitely powerful.

Applying non-judgement to ourselves, internally

As a way of looking at life, or seeing things, non-judgement is a perspective that can equally be applied to our internal experience. In fact it is the only way i have found to heal myself… I think many people suffer and experience difficulties in a variety of ways, but don’t realise the power we have inside to heal ourselves by observing and accepting. I have had migraines since i was six, and a variety of other things, a long boring list. Often labelled incurable by medical practitionsers. Doesnt that make you feel just great? However what makes me unhappier than all the stuff i have experienced is resisting it, or wanting to be different from how i am. A radical shift happened for me fifteen years ago when i was so sick i couldnt get out of bed, and realised i had to start listening to what my body was telling me. Rather than living in a world of fear and neurotic dependence on doctors, i figured it out myself. It took a long time. And recently, i realised i could bin the painkillers and just face the migraines head on with full acceptance. I used to feel so bad about myself for being so debilitated so often. Not only did the migraines hurt like hell, but then i hated myself for it. I wished i could be normal. The first migraine i went through without painkillers lasted five days. I kept vomiting and had diarrhea, thought i would die, but kept telling myself just to observe the sensations and breathe. In the end it went away, and i emerged feeble but extremely empowered. Over five years they got less and less, until now when i just get extreme contractions inside my skull and am not be able to eat, but no migraine headache. I still catch myself getting annoyed when the symptoms come on, and that’s they key to the whole thing. Take out the judgement. I have learnt to relax back and say its ok to feel rough, just observe and keep going. There is no guarantee that these things ever change totally. However when i accepted that i might always be highly sensitive and not the invincible tough woman i would like to be, the mental pain went away. I stopped comparing myself and started living the way i need to so i feel ok. And anyway, who is to say what is right or normal? We are all different. I am able to let my experience come and go without judgement, and everything has started to flow more, and to expand in general.

The role of non-judgement in healing

Other people can’t really heal us. They can only look at us and be with us without judgement, and so show us where we are still judging ourselves. Their acceptance highlights our own judgements. Holding ourselves to ransom for some ideal of perfection that doesn’t include all the behaviours and emotions is normal unconscious human behaviour. But accepting ourselves fully feels much better. It feels transparent and alive and spacious, and all the tensions smooth away. It’s totally normal to have a full range of emotions, aches and pains. We can’t make them go away, because we are human with physical bodies. But we can realise that there is more to life than trying to fix these things, just let them be there, and get on with living…

I personally prefer the state of ease and physical welleness i sometimes experience, just as most parents prefer when their children behave and do what they are told. However when the migraine or tantrum kicks in, the trick is not to shift into resistance or judgement, but to stay open and non- judgemental. This is the key in absolutely every situation in life, not to let the emotions run out of control and all sorts of reactions kick in. If we observe the minds thoughts and catch them – in my case, for exmple, you don’t desrve this much happiness in your life let’s have a migraine right now and stop all the good things – then you may also be able to dismiss them or let them go. Even destructive thoughts that create physical symptoms are not to be judged, because they would not arise if they didn’t fulfill some useful function in the past. However its also possible to tell them yourself that they’re not needed anymore, thank you, and you can leave now. And refocus on the present moment. If we can observe everything we experience without judgement then we don’t build walls and fixed positions, and our power to dissolve problems and find solutions grows exponentially. It’s a little known secret and an extremely powerful one, that presence has far more clout than human will. Preference is ok, but if you can’t let it go, you will find yourself having one painful strop after another. Life is just living itself, doensn’t care much about whether we agree or not, and to stop judging it as wrong or undesirable is a profoundly basic and also highly intelligent foundation for ease and happiness. So try not to judge, even your own judgement if you catch yourself at it. Just relax back and accept. Laugh. Wriggle about and move on… let it all be there. Inclusion brings freedom.

Craniosacral and the role of non-judgement

I often work with children and extremely sensitive, frightened people. Anyone who has been seriously ill or fragile knows that you don’t have the energy to defend yourself against judgements, and being judged or sensing that someone wants you to change when you feel really rough is must unbearable. All you want is acceptance. I speak to parents who took their child for bodywork and noticed that the practitioner made the child uncomfortable, or that it was too much, or the child seemed to shut down. Even if a well meaning practitioner can see what the issue is, their desire to fix it will sabotage the whole process if they are not able to be with the child as s/he is right now. And that includes their resistance fear, hesitance and whatever else. Working with kids and frightened or frail people is an art because it requires the practitioner to sense all the resistances one by one and accept them, let them be there, not push through them. In craniosacral work, the force that starts the clients core energy expanding is the unconditional, non-judgemental awareness of the practitioner. If this is not available, the session won’t happen. As with the children described above. A body-mind system subjected to expectation or judgement, even intention, will recoil and withdraw to safety. It is an automatic self-defense that prevents the practitioner’s ideas being imposed onthe person’s own natural bodily intelligence. Unless the practitioner listens to what is actually there, and is willing to be with it, healing cannot occur.

Resolving issues by being with them, loving them fully

Contrary to common beliefs that we need to change things in order to solve our problems, try just being with them, without resistance or judgement. To love your problem fully may be counter intuitive, but it works. Sometimes it is the only thing that works. Not for, not against, just be there. Observing. If you have children or a difficult partner you could try this too. Its like the story of the wind huffing and puffing with all its might to get the boy to take his coat off. And then when it was the sun’s turn he gently smiled on the land and all the flowers opened their petals to the warmth and the child took his jacket off effortlessly. You will find that non-judgement or being with is actually all that most issues require to dissolve. If further action is required it will become apparent in your peaceful accepting state. Healers are just people who have practised this extensively on themselves, and so are able to be with a wide range of situations and emotions in other people without wanting to change them. It’s something anyone can do because this quality of non-judgement is also our essential nature, as i described in last month’s article. If you have kids or any difficult situation at home you can practise being with it, and you will see how people and circumstances melt in front of your eyes. The trust between you and your children will grow as they experience your acceptance. It only takes one person in a home to practise in this way and everything shifts.

Unfortunately being with is not a skill that is taught explicitely on most craniosacral or alternative healing courses. And yet it is so powerful and so fundamental. All the basics are in this article. If you would like to know more, i will be teaching a course on craniosacral for mums later this month. The aim is to give mums the tools firstly to centre themselves and be present with their kids, and secondly to work with their children’s nervous systems to calm them down and restore balance. The essence of the course is being-with, in all its practical applications. Whether you choose to do bodywork with your kids or just to use the awareness gained to improve the quality of your home life, it will radically shift your perspective and your personal power in your family. Please enquire for details.

If you enjoyed this article, i have a new daily blog starting later this week on www.nofixedagenda.com where i will be sharing moment to moment information and inspiration for the year…

Please feel free to share this article with your friends, but please give credit to the author. Thank you

Tagged as: changing family dynamics, children, craniosacral, craniosacral for mums, emotions, healing, migraine, non-judgment, self healing, tantrums

{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }

JOHN April 9, 2014 at 3:36 am: NICE ARTICLE .BUT I DISAGREE ABOUT YOUR INTENTION POINT.WHEN YOU INTENT SOME PERSON GET HEALING LOVE .SPECIFICALLY IN REKI OR MANY DISTANT HEALING PRACTICES INTENTION IS VERY IMPORTANT.THEN ALSO YOU WROTE VERY NICE ARTICLE .THANKS FOR POSTING IT .ALSO YOU RISES NICE POINT ABOUT LABELING VERY GOOD INFORMATION .THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR EXPERIENCE.
james August 2, 2014 at 9:31 pm: Great inspiring article, just what I was looking for. Today I have been thinking about self improvement. One particular thing struck me about observing others without judgement and oneself. I find it sometimes to just observe myself and the too and fro of emotions that cascade through me from moment to moment. I also find it difficult to accept things that appear to happen externally that stress me chronically. I am still learning with respect to this.

Today I had an epiphany of sorts about the power of non-judgment and the power it has to help others. I noticed a chance to practice observation without judgement as I was crossing the road in town. A woman with her two children pulled up next to me, the children were just wild, insolent, and boisterous. The mother was very irate trying to restrain the children so as not to run out into the road. My natural reaction(as taught by the society I live in) is to use duality and describe this as bad. I avoided this reaction. I sincerely hope that my observation without judging them helped.

Just one caveat as I noticed in writing is that I made a judgement above about the behaviour of the children and mother, but I like to think of it as awareness and observation, I’m not saying it’s bad or good, just that I accept it!

Thanks for this inspiring article as I was looking through the internet to find something that links with my experiences today.
james August 6, 2014 at 8:44 pm: GReat article, very inspiring.

You should read the book power vs force – a map of consciousness.

I wonder if being non-judgmental is describing a level of consciousness of 600 or above.

http://jhaines6.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/consciousness-map.jpg

Read the full article →

Awakening in 2013: move from seeking to finding

January 14, 2013 by craniohealing Leave a Comment

by MIRA on JANUARY 14, 2013

2012 has been and gone, and many are wondering what the fuss was about. Yet many people have experienced subtle shifts and changes, and are on the verge of breaking through to something new. If you can feel this, then likely it is true for you, and you are on your way to engaging your life purpose on a new level and contributing to creating new innovative initiatives and an alternate reality on planet earth. 2013 is an important year for setting these changes in motion, and each person counts.

Leaving the path behind and finding your own…

Yoga, meditation, silent retreats, fasts, detoxes, crystals, reiki, angels, past lives etc. The list of options is endless, and many become a personal religion. For what? In order to… What exactly? Be healthier? Happier? Earn more money? Receive inner guidance? Find our purpose? Sometimes we lose sight of why we embarked on these activites in the first place. Maybe we didn’t feel great, and wanted to still the mind, feel better, or heal a pain or sickness, or have better relationships. But somewhere along the way being a spiritual seeker can become an identity for the ego that helps it feel more secure, more established, more solid – just as the office job or family role might have been before… except now you are someone who believes in and studies angesl…and then there are seemingly endless versions of therapies, bodywork, techniques, changing your beliefs, each of which claim to be the holy grail. People learn different aspects of awareness and embodiment from different practices at different times, so in a way they are helpful. But there is more…

Awakening…

Some people dont just want to get fixed, they want to awaken. Some even think awakening will fix them! Maybe they will be peaceful at last, and free of suffering… They earnestly pursue vipassana silent meditations, hang our with their enlightened guru on endless seminars and still, despite gathering vast amounts of knowledge and practices, nothing fundamental changes. Even after five years of eating raw. The thing, whatever it is, still eludes them. How do they know? Becasue they’re still seeking. So what is it? What is this elusive thing that these people are after, and how do you get it?

Who am I?

Well, the tricky thing is, the part of us that wants it is the same part that prevents us from having it. Or seen another way, the seeking activity of the ego, even though it is oh so spiritual, is exactly the thing that keeps us stuck. Seeking, wanting, is a mind activity. Its just another identity as a spiritual person. You still think you are that personality. Until there is no mind, no identification with thought patterns, there is no awakening. To find it, you have to just give up, just be here in this moment. And there it is. Right there inside you. Just where it was all along. In plain English, this is the same wisdom that is at the basis of every religion, spiritual teaching, writing and practice. The gurus are the ones who have stopped looking on the outside and been brave enough to find it alone on the inside.

Seeing is believing

And yet… many of these practices like bodywork and yoga can be extremely useful tools. Although your thinking mind cannot be fixed, they are tools to help you see it for what it is and not allow it to run the show. Seeing the workings of your mind from the inside is something only you can do. No one can do it for you. If you use whichever of these practices attract you to increase your present moment awareness of sensation in the body, they can slowly enhance your overall ability to be aware. Detoxing and specialised nutrition can raise your body’s energetic state and increase awareness. As your awareness increases, you can use it to see through your habitual behavioral patterns, layer by layer. This is the real agenda beneath most spiritual practices, yet it often gets lost along the way. Each layer that you can observe dispassionately, without needing to fix or change it, will lose it’s power to take you over and make you think it is you. It is not. You are the awareness that is observing, quietly peacefully and utterly content with the way things are in the present momentum. This is rarely pointed out in yoga or other classes, because there is often so much concern with the body or other aspects of physical life that we miss the important bit – that we are not the body, we are not the emotions, we are not our personality. What we are is the life that animates us and all other life on the planet. Taken to its logical conclusion, the point of a yoga class is to open your energy centres and connect you internally with your awareness to the point that you can sense this connection with the others in the class and the plants outside, and let go of thinking you are a separate individual… If you’ve recently been to a yoga class that took you there, then please tell all your friends… How would you know? After such an experience your life would change fundamentally because you would drop your personal identity. You would be at peace on a very deep level… And by the way, you can awaken without ever having done yoga, or eating raw. There are no prerequisites in that sense.

Observing the robot within

What’s amazing is that so much of our daily experience is automatic and robotic that we don’t even realize it’s coming from the mind’s repetitive patterns. Many people are very negative about life without realising, and always expect bad things or constantly complain. The fastest way to realize what your’re doing and shift your awareness is to sit with a practitioner who is present and can convey this experience of peace and disidentification to you. Once you have felt the experience of being peaceful, and it has really sunk in, you will begin to recognize all the other things that are created by the mind much more clearly.

You will see for yourself that nothing about you is broken, nothing needs to be fixed. You don’t necessarily need to learn any more or change. You will realize the pointlessness of endless talking bout your family history – though this is of course a necessary phase that many people need to go through for themselves, before they realize they are not Jenny or Philip or Sam, and the past experience and emotion has been felt and integrated. No matter what level you reach in bending backwards in yoga, nothing guarantees peace. Except if somewhere along the way you begin to accept how you are right now and to just surrender to this moment. Then a space can open, where the mind is quiet or silent, and you can experience your connection with the whole of life. This is maybe the background to many of the therpeutic practices, but watch the mind’s tendency to want to get fixed or get better, because that’s not it. There is no end to what can be wrong, there is always something. The point is to become aware enough to leave the fascination with all of that altogether and stop engaging at that level. The physical emotional human aspect is only part of who you are. It is only when we step away from all that and lean back and let go into our true nature as life itself that the seeking ends.

Oops, i am nothing

Many people find it really hard to handle experiencing themselves as space, as non-judgemental and indifferent life itself, as nothingness. Of not being anyone. It can be frightening, but we get used to it, and we can dip in and out of it initially, as we let go gradually of our old idea of self. Of course, its really shocking that after all this seeking, what we find is that there was actually nothing to fix or find. When we see we are not our names, or our family story, or our occupational role, or our past or our bodies there is in fact nothing left. Yet this nothing is life itself, it animates everything in us, around us, under and above us. It is undeniable in when experienced directly. We are life. We don’t need personalities to live and assert themselves at the expense of others, to gain power over them. Our bodies know how to live without thought. They just carry on, even when the mind has let go.

A simple question: do you feel that if people had to think in order to breathe, digest, pump blood etc that many people would still be alive? I think its unlikely. They’d forget, or get stressed and do it wrong. Our thinking minds could never fathom the complexity and sheer volume of information necessary to regulate the chemical, hormonal and nervous systems in our bodies. It all just happens without “us” as we identify ourselves, taken care of by LIFE. To think that our little individual personalities could possibly have any effect on the overall course of events is a delusion. It is a way of trying to make ourselves feel strong and important. We are not. We are tiny parts of a whole living system on planet earth. That doesn’t mean we can’t be incredibly influential and powerful as individuals. But only if our actions are aligned with life itself. That is, they arise from that peaceful expanded place beyond or underneath the little me.

Disidentifying from “me”

How can we find this place in our everyday lives? Having a craniosacral session is one way to still the mind and sink into that deep space. Craniosacral uses the universal intelligence or presence, the nothing-not-me to build up the core reservoir of energy in the body so it can move and open up our central channel and open blockages, in a similar way to yoga, but on a much deeper and more subtle level. This can help us to learn to be able to observe our own psyche from the inside. Ultimately it’s about where you put your focus, and what you identify with. At some point it’s necessary to shift away from thinking you are a particular person or role, to feeling and experiencing yourself as the pure awareness that is observing and having your human experience. And also everyone elses! To do that at some point you have to let go. Whether it’s your partner, work, home or whole life, it will happen how and when it’s meant to. Whatever last familiar aspect of your old self you are hanging onto will invite you to step away. When you do so, you won’t die, and your life won’t end. There may be some sadness and release of anger for a while, as your energy stops holding and opens up to your natural vibrant state of aliveness. You may also experience loosening or release in your neck and cranial base. And then your external life may take on a new form, or you go back to your old life but with a changed perspective and attitude. You will be peaceful and free, no longer influenced by others and events outside you in your fundamental peace.

Awakening intensive sessions

My work has evolved over the last two years to a very fine tuned accelerated process for peeling away layers of conditioning in the mind and holding in the body. Old emotions, memories and sicknesses surface and clear. Depending mainly on your willingness and readiness, not on previous work, in three to four sessions you can be taken through your individual process of letting go of who you were, layer by layer. This is a very intense process and can be literally mind-blowing, or sometimes just a gentle relief. Sometimes it only takes one session, which can be by skype too. I doesn’t seem to make much difference when you are ready to do it. I sometimes use craniosacral bodywork to work on the deeper levels of unconscious holding in the body that contain keys to personality structures so that they can unravel and fall away. People’s lives open and begin to blossom creatively. That is what happens when you recognize your own habitual patterns and let them go. When you step into the unknown anything is possible… Anything. Letting go is much easier than holding on, but it takes more courage. Maybe reading this article has already given you every thing you need for the shift to happen. If you feel you almost get it but not quite, and you get a shiver or a sense of excitement reading this, please get in touch. I offer these intensives by skype or in person.

I wish you a happy new year and much enjoyment being yourself…

If you found this article interesting, you might want to read my ebook: the Survival Guide to Awakening which details aspects of the process and how to deal with arising emotions and practical aspects…

Please feel free to share this article, but please give credit to the author. Thank you

Tagged as: angels, awakening, awakening intensive sessions, Craniosacral therapy, crystals, detox, disidentifying, fasting, finding your purpose, guru, meditation, past lives, quieting the mind, raw food, reiki, silent retreats, Spiritual Awakening and Craniosacral therapy, vipassana, yoga

Online Emotional Guidance – skype sessions to integrate body and mind

March 1, 2012 by craniohealing Leave a Comment

by MIRA on MARCH 1, 2012

For some people who are busy or going through a lot, it’s simply convenient to work on themselves and get support in their own homes and offices where theyfeel most comfortable. That’s where online emotional guidance can be handy. And for those who have had sessions with me but don’t live in Bali, skype sessions are a way to continue the work and be reminded to keep up your inner awareness practice in everyday life. They also help to anchor you back in your body when you get lost in your thoughts and can’t make decsions or move forwards…

Whether you are experiencing fear, stress, sadness, anger or any combination of other emotions, in online emotional guidance we approach your experience through a simple conversation. Then I guide you towards feeling sensation in your body, and feeling, rather than thinking. Emotions get out of hand when we lose connection with body sensation. The thoughts and stories they trigger contribute to even more emotion. So we practise calming the nervous system through sensing the body and being in the present. You learn not to let the emotions overwhelm you and your awareness of reality increases. Whether the cause is a change in career, relationship break-up, mid-life crisis or whatever unexpected turn of events, online emotional guidance is a resource to support you in steering your course to clearer waters…

As I work I tune into (sense) your energetic core, in the same way as in a craniosacral session, and the conversation is very much guided by a feeling connection with your soul. I also look at your energy field, and how things going on there relate to holding and movement in your body. Even though it is skype, there is a similar energy field as if we were in the room together, and I can pick up the subtleties of feeling and bring them to your awareness. I also reflect back to you some of the unconscious elements that are presenting themselves so they can come into awareness, as is appropriate. Your being or core dictates the session, just as in cranio, and your resistances are always respected.

As you talk about your experience, issues arise so that you can come to see how your family relationships have shaped your responses, attitudes and relationships, and find new more authentic responses from your own core. So the sessions form a process where each week you sink deeper into your own being as your awareness of yourself grows, and past issues integrate. In the process you move gently through old unfelt emotions, and gradually increase in clarity, physcial energy and confidence. Your experience of yourself moves deeper into your body, down into your hips, abdomen and feet as you embody and integrate. Your core expands, the problems dissolve and your deeper self starts to live. The sessions can also support you in moving into a new expression – whether job, relationship or life – of your own unique creativity and being.

“I did 2 years in therapy before, i feel like it just kept me where i was. I’ve made so much more progress with you already, this is something I am going to continue” (Christie, social worker, after 3 cranio sessions and 4 skype sessions)

These sessions are not therapy. We are not looking at solving your problems or making things you don’t like go away or get better. Online emotional guidance focuses on unblocking and encouraging your core energy, your honest and authentic expression of self, and giving your soul permission to live fully. Sessions offer a new way of living, of experiencing yourself and life, that deepens and expands as you practice. It is (as reported by many clients) way faster and more effective than talk “therapy” in creating lasting change, because we work through the body and sensation, at the experiential level, rather than “understanding”. As your experience changes, your brain patterns rewire. The sessions give you the tools to practice embodied meditation – that is sensing inside your body and outside your body and being fully aware in each moment – a form of mindfulness which is effective in healing even the most entrenched conditions without using medication. Online emotional guidance can help you move into a whole new experience of life, and of yourself, and ultimately beyond any ideas of yourself to just being as you are, moment to moment, and seeing what life can do with you. If this possibility excites you and your life has lead you to a point where you long to be more fully alive, and to share your love and your unique self with those around you, then please book a session.

Advantages of sessions online

if you would like to work on yourself in a place where you feel comfortable.
are very busy and do not have time to travel to a session
live far away, or are travelling and want consistent support

Tips for skype sessions

Please try to create a private space free of distractions and other people’s presence as best you can during the session times (and preferably 10 minutes or so before and after the sessions.)
If possible please use a head set with michrophone so that you have your hands free (speaker phone might create an echo and may not work so well).
It would be a good idea to have some paper and pen ready in case you want to make any notes.
If you have phones with you or in the room, please turn them off or set it in silent mode.

To book a session, click here

Download skype here: http://www.skype.com/intl/en-us/get-skype

Please feel free to share with those you think will be interested in these thoughts, but please give credit to the author.

Tagged as: anger, dealing with emotions, dealing with transition, fear, hange in career, mid-life crisis, Online emotional guidance, online spiritual counselling, relationship break-up, resolving emotional issues, sadness, skype sessions, stress, transition

Craniosacral Therapy & Ego Death – how sessions can support the process

August 23, 2011 by craniohealing Leave a Comment

by Mira on AUGUST 23, 2011

Introduction

There is a lot of mystery and unecessary fear surrounding the process of ego death, and many people therefore don’t even know what is going on when it happens to them. They may experience very strong and inexplicable emotions and the life they know collapsing around them as everything seems to descend into despair. This article aims to give some pointers and practical guidelines as well as providing information on how and when craniosacral therapy can be beneficial as part of this process. It also gives an overview to encourage people and help them to orient themselves in the process and find their way through more easily.

What is Ego death?

There is no definitive answer, but the experiences that many people go through are similar. In new age speak its may be referred to as ascension, and undoubtedly ego death is a prerequisite for this shift in consciousness. Some branches of psychotherapy refer to it as a process of integrating the shadow, and suggest that it is also the entry point into adulthood. However not all people are destined to go through an ego death in their lifetime, and not all people have the ability to look into themselves that an ego death requires…

So where does this leave us? Well, there are some very common sense ways of looking at the whole issue to demystify it.

As children we learn that some emotions and behaviours are acceptable to our parents, and other’s aren’t. The stuff that is too much for us to feel or that isn’t allowed gets put in a separate compartment in the unconscious mind, to be forgotten and ignored till a later date. This means we end up rather like a donut, with a sticky centre that we don’t really know about and can’t access. The sticky centre is what psychotherapists call our “Shadow”.

The process of ego death is a bit like having a café latte in 2 layers, coffee on the bottom and milk on top, black and white, and gently stirring the two together till they become a homogenous light brown mixture. The outer layer of our peronsality that we have developed in childhood to please our parents and survive can’t stay separate from the true self or inner layer forever. Over time the tension seems to build as those other hidden energies make a bid to be included. Eventually some external event like betrayal by a partner, or death of a loved one, loss of a job or something else really significant, will challenge the person’s world view so drastically that they let go of control and their whole personality structure starts to disintegrate. It can seem a bit like falling into a hole between two worlds, or letting go of all that is known and familiar. Indeed, that seems to be what happens.

To be really clear, the ego does not actually die. People can’t survive without an ego. Rather the very rigid protective structures formed in early childhood dissolve and reconfigure as a new ego that is rather more in line with the “true” self. People often have the idea that they want to get away from or live without ego, but this is a new age myth created by lack of understanding of psychological process. Without ego, an individual would be totally overwhelmed by the contents of the unconsious mind, and would be classed as insane. Ego is the necessary filetring mechanism or gate keeper between the unconscious and conscious experience, letting the person decide how to respond to the emotions that they experience, rather than mistaking them for reality…

Emotional Process

When you have an experience that is so immense or painful or shocking that it can’t be grapsed by the thinking mind, it opens up a space for unconscious emotions to be accessed, and become conscious. It’s as if the contradictions that are experienced are too big to reconcile and something breaks or gives. The whole personality structure can start to collapse and it can feel as if internally it is raining bits and pieces. There can be intense confusion, sadness, anger and terror as the whole world seems to fall apart and all fixed reference points are lost for a while. Often at this point you lose your partner, job, home, money and various other external factors which contribute to the general sense of insecurity and loss.

However at the same time an energy begins to rise from the base of the spine, which flushes out all the old emotions and patterns as it rises. It also ignites creativity and when it becomes established, it can become a new point of reference in reality. This is a well documented process which you can read about in texts on psychotherapy or jungian analysis. Jungians follow the dreams to help bring the unconscious energies that arise into conscious awareness, and make the most of the opportunity to integrate these elements. This can help the therapist to monitor what is going on with the client – things can get very intense, and its good to have a guide or an anchor in reality to hold onto… Yogis also recognise this experiene but tend to refer to it as kundalini uprising. Different traditions have different ways of dealing with the same experience, and the overlap between these is considerable.

People tend to go through increasingly deep cycles of fear/terror, anger and sadness. In effect this is deep grief. One way of looking at it is that you are mourning the attention you never received from your parents as a child, and your own wasted potential. Another perspective is that you are grieving the loss or death of everything you have been – of your personality and the life that was familiar to you. When the shadow integrates and a new functioning ego has been established, you will literally be a different person, though maybe only your closest friends will notice. The grieving process simply has its own place and time, and there’s not much you can do but sit it out… it will pass.

Despair, powerlessness and total hopelessness often accompany this process. If you look at it from a common sense perspective, this is a natural response since your personality structure, which you have used to survive and make your way in the world, is dissolving before your eyes. These emotions are best experienced but not taken too seriously, since they will pass, and are not to be confused with reality. It is only your ego that has anything to despair about, since it is on the way out, in the form that you know it… You will be fine. If you are experiencing terror during the day or night, please read the article in the blog on fear for a detailed discussion and practical tips.

Clients often come complaining that they can’t handle it, that they want it to be over, that they have to get through it, that they need to find their real purpose now. This is often the ego wanting things to be different, wanting to stay in control and wanting things its way. Despite complaining, often these people also have a deep underlying sense of peace and the rightness of what is happening at the same time. When people eventually surrender and let go, it can seem as if life begins to live through them, and an ease, logic and lightness informs their experience. And often in the middle of this process a strong and spontaneous sense of clarity of direciton arises which gives the person a focus to help move through the emotions. This doesn’t however come through the will, but from surrender to a higher intelligence which is beyond the grasp of the thinking, wanting mind.

It is a very intense and bewildering process because it involves going totally into the unkonwn, and just experiencing the emotions and changing perspectives of reality without any guarantee of success or safety. There is no guarantee, and the beginning of this realization can be very upsetting. Effectively when this happens you are breaking into the childhood emotions that you were not able to feel at the time. Things can be pretty disorienting because feelings come up that you can’t place or recognise. Often it takes time to find the corresponding inner images and link them with the feelings. However this is an important part of the integration process.

People sometimes talk of it as having fallen into a black hole, and experiencing intense loneliness, isolation and sadness. The natural instinct is to want these feelings to go away. However they can’t be kept away forever, since they are present in the unconscious, and are arising to be integrated. The most helpful stance to take is one of acceptance and embracing the experience. It makes sense to accept it, because it’s happening anyway. If you don’t fight it mentally, its less painful, and you can adapt your practical life to make allownce for it better.

It’s hard when I have to tell people that on the whole it tends to take 6 months to a year before they have moved through this experience. Especially when they are expressing that they don’t think they can stand even one more day in their current state. This is understandable given the extreme emotions, sense of lostness and depression that can be present. But from another perspective this is one of the most profound experiences you can have as a human. And not one that everyone has the opportunity to live through…

Trusting the process

Sometimes it can be helpful to know that things tend to work out for the best, and afterwards when you come out at the other end, life is in fact much easier than before. The thought that “everything that happens in life is for me” can be a helpful mantra. You may still be doing the same occupation, or indeed something totally different, but there will be much less stress and difficulty surrounding the everyday basics, making money, relationships etc. Knowing this makes it a lot easier to surrender to the process, which is happening whether you like it or not, via the age old forces of evolution. It also helps you develop a sense of trust and flow, and its wonderful to experience the helping hands and experiences that come towards you on the way, especially when you feel that you don’t know how you will or can make it through…

Physical symptoms

Ego death is an extended process with different sysmptoms at different stages. Dizziness and nausea are very common as core energy starts to expand, and unusual sensations are experienced in the body. Often it’s a major challenge for people to learn to feel sensation, and experience the life force or sexual energy that is beginning to expand through their bodies, rather than to disconnect or dissociate. Exhaustion is common. The body and mind go through huge internal changes – doing inner emotional work uses energy, just as does running a marathon. It helps to slacken off the pace of life and extra commitments, and on the whole its probably not advisable to start new ventures till you are nearly through, since you may not be able to work consistently.

Many people experience a pulling through the ears that seems to connect into the chest. This can be extremely uncomfortable and disorienting, and accompanied by rage, frustration or general dis-ease. Although it may persist for months, it is nothing to worry about, and does not require medical attention. It is just energy that has been held in the core of the body, deep inside the central structures and membranes of the brain, that eventually finds a way to release bit by bit. Similarly, people complain of a pulling sensation or a pain in the eyes. Often this is associated with early childhood or preverbal neglect, and can be bewildering. Craniosacral therapy can be a gentle way to help you access and integrate these emotions, since they are often held deep within the body memmory. Behind the sadness that people experience in this area, there is normally rage or power, waiting to be felt and integrated. If you want to read more about experiencing and integrating anger, please see the article in the blog on anger.

Since so much is changing and releasing from deep within the psyche and body tissues, it can be helpful to be aware of removing toxins from the body during this expereince. Adding vegetable juices into the diet, as well as doing enemas several times a week, and can all contribute to helping your liver to eliminate the toxins coming out. If you want to know exactly what’s going on you can have your blood monitored with live blood analysis by a practitioner who can also prescribe appropriate actions to take, depending on the state of your blood. This can be very reassuring when you can hardly get out of bed due to fatigue, and find out that your blood is completely full with toxic waste. Then you can do something about it, rather than beat yourself up for being lazy…

Lack of boundaries is also an issue during this experience. Once your old ego or defence structure crumbles, and you start experiencing the pain underneath, you often find yourself in a very needy and vulnerable state. Not all people have the morals and awareness to deal with you kindly without taking advantage, so its good to be extra careful who you associate with. You may find it helpful to spend a fair amount of time alone. Certainly it helps to avoid loud, aggressive and negative people, as you won’t be likely to have much energy or resources to waste on such situations. In the long run this is a very constructive habit to train yourself in anyway, and will help your life run more smoothly and joyfully…

How can craniosacral support this process?

Craniosacral therapy is especially useful for calming the nervous system and helping individuals digest the considerable amount of emotional energy that can be stirred up. Having a weekly session can help keep things level and balanced, which can be very helpful in keep up your morale. Craniosacral therapy can also be helpful in working with persistent problems in particular body areas, such as lower back, and in helping your body build up the necessary energetic resources to move through certain patterns and trauma. In terms of handling mood swings and lack unusual emotional states it can be very helpful to see a practitioner regularely who can help you verbalise what is going on, and re-orient you to a grounded reality if you get a bit disoriented. The reason it works particularly well as a supporting therapy is the gentleness and subtlty of the method that allows unconscious energies to come into conscious awareness and be integrated, like drops of water returning to the pool. It can be extremely reassuring to have the experience of feeling relatively normal again after a session, when you are experiencing so much internal change.

Tagged as: anger, calming nervous system, Craniosacral therapy, dizziness, ego, ego death, fear, grief, integration, jungian analysis, life changes, shadow, strong emotions, transition, true self, unconscious mind