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Craniosacral Therapy & Family Dynamics

January 14, 2019 by craniohealing Leave a Comment

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by Mira on SEPTEMBER 22, 2011

Introduction

Craniosacral therapy can be useful for uncovering hidden family dynamics firstly in the individual parents, and secondly in the interaction between the parent and the child. Some Craniosacral practitioners are sensitive enough to observe direct energetic effects that parents have on their children and vice versa, and so can help parents to see what is going on in their interactions, as well as support the children in receiving the emotional regulation they really need.

Why bring a child for a cranio session?

Parents generally bring their children to me because they care about them, and see that in some way they are struggling or not happy, but don’t know themselves what more they can do.  They sense that somehow I have some answers or know something that they don’t.  What I do have in fact is a different perspective and insight into the causes and effects of emotional patterns and behaviours and how these impact the physical body… And a way of conveying or bringing to light the deeper unseen and emotional connections in family life to parents so that they can do what their child needs in a more conscious way.

So the initial point of contact is the child, and indeed some fundamental progress can be made in releasing early trauma, grounding, re-establishing relational abilities etc. However often already in the first session, it becomes apparent that the mother-child connection is contributing to the issues and maintaining or reinforcing the problems. Of course no mother wants to consciously hurt her child, or affect them adversely in any way, so this is a delicate matter which I normally approach slowly, as the mother opens to looking at her part in things of her own accord.

The solution lies with the parents

What many parents don’t realize is that when their children have problems or disturbances, these are more often than not a result of their relationships with their primary care takers. They are also influenced directly by their parent’s habitual behaviour and emotions. In many ways this is obvious since a child is a dependent being that is developing in response to the examples set by the nervous systems and behavioural patterns of the adults they copy and interact with, and in response their particular external environment.

And yet parents don’t know where to look for solutions on the whole other than at their children, partly because the cultural focus is on medicating and controlling “badly behaved” children. It is also partly because the adult’s connection to the deeper sense of self or inner wisdom has become very dilute in western society, where the tendency is to seek external help and pay an expert rather than work out the solution.

The fact remains that no two families are alike, nor are any two individuals, so there are no ideal solutions that an expert can give. The answer will always arise out of the relationship between the individual parent and the particular child. The solution is a result of the parent’s personality and authentic response, and the particular child’s character and needs.

How parents can find their own solutions

If a parent can’t really feel themselves or doesn’t know how to manage their own undulating emotional states, they would probably not be in a position to notice the effect they have on their child. Even when they do, many parents feel powerless to know what to do about it. However it is a simple fact that a parent who is unable to handle their own emotions will not be able to provide a satisfactory environment in which the child’s brain and nervous system can develop fully. A child that has no words or means to express what they sense they are lacking but can’t get, will of course feel hurt, frustrated and start acting out.

The sense in which the child’s problems are “relational” is that the child is directly influenced by the unseen emotional energies and responses emanating from the parent. If they are being overwhelmed by the parent’s unfelt rage, or suffocated by their grief, or affected by a mother’s constant nerves and hysteria, they won’t be able to do schoolwork, or play happily. This is the gross and basic level. On a more subtle level, every unfelt need and emotion in the parent’s field affects the child, who responds to the unspoken and unseen as if it were concrete, even if the parent is unaware of it. This is no-one’s fault, and yet the child is just a fresh and enthusiastic expression of maleable new life and in that sense, whatever behaviour they are exhibiting is a direct reflection of what is going on in their surroundings…

Finding solutions to problems with the kids…

The key to solving the children’s problems, ironically, lies usually not in the child, but in the parent finding their own centre, and coming into deeper feeling connection with themselves. This is where the gentle craniosacral therapy can have profound effects in supporting the parent’s process of becoming more aware of body sensation and emotions. The more grounded or embodied the parent becomes through the craniosacral sessions, the more present they are, rather than lost in their thoughts, the more able to respond with intelligence to the real needs of the child. This is very different from responding with parenting concepts they have been taught or what they think the child needs. The result is instantly visible in a happier, calmer, more co-operative, trusting and responsive child… which is way more evidence than an “expert’s” opinion that you are doing things right.

All human beings have this capacity when they are switched on and aware – we all know instinctively how to respond to another, when to back off and give space, when and where to touch another to comfort, how to generate fun and excitiement. These are innate capacities. Craniosacral therapy can help the family dynamics precisely because it brings us back in touch with our instinctive responses and drives. This helps by-pass the layers of mental conditioning that we learn from birth, and that have some very unhelpful aspects when it comes to parenting…

The challenge is sometimes to re-establish this balanced in the moment awareness,  and find a way to get around (or put aside) the piles of emotional reactiveness and drama caused by our own painful and traumatic life experiences so that we can really be with the children.

Because “being with” fully and sensitively is mainly what their brains, nervous systems and sense of self require from us as adults in order to develop effectively.

Much more so than adults, children can’t cope with overwhelming emotions of rage or terror when adults express these without really experiencing them themselves, or taking responsibility for them. Their energies and boundaries are much more permeable, and their nervous systems simply not as robust or able to absorb shock. A placid seeming baby or small child may in fact be in a state of total shock and nervous system shut down for survival reasons…This is why craniosacral therapy often works especially well for them, since it is able to take account of the subtleties of their system and to allow them to rebuild broken boundaries, re-establish nerve pathways and learn to allow their life force fully…

Nevertheless it is really up to the adult care-takers to feel these emotions directly so that their toxic side-effects don’t spill over to the children. There are at least two very different experiences for a child: firstly the example of an adult who has rage or grief or terror in their energy field but is not aware of it, and is taking it out on those around them it. And secondly of an adult who is really feeling those emotions and in contact with them. The former may smother and terrify a small child and be felt keenly, and experienced as very confusing and overwhelming. The latter is not frightening for a child on the whole, even if they still experience the adult’s emotion, because it is clear that the adult is the one with that emotion, and able to handle it, own it, talk about it and say what is going on. This makes the child less prone to thinking the emotion the adult is having is their fault, and also less frightened that it will be taken out on them. It makes them feel safe.

Taking responsibility for emotions

And the key in this is for the adults taking care of children to be taking responsibility for themselves and for their own actions, reactions and emotional states. That means to be feeling the sensations and emotions in their bodies directly – which is precisely what craniosacral therapy can help you do – rather than blaming them on others or the external environment. That is all the kids need – they don’t need a zen monk who is calm and totally balanced as a parent – they just need someone who is feeling their own stuff and not inflicting it on the space around them, and even then, only most of the time.

Better still they need at least one parent who is centred enough in themselves and aware enough to be able to sense how the child is, and respond to them clearly so that they can learn to get a sense of themselves.

Effects of Craniosacral Sessions on the whole family

In the process of working with a child, and then often with the mother, a gradual emotional and mental separation of the individuals in the family happens. As each one becomes clearer in themselves and more connected with their own emotions, wishes and experience, a space of clarity opens up in the family as a whole and things begin to change. Sometimes explosive energies are released in one or more family members for a week or two as old held back energies surface to be released. But then things stablise once more. Real relationship begins to happen, where individuals can feel themselves, express what they are experiencing, ask for what they need, empathise with the other, and respond genuinely to another’s needs. Often a lot of joy and creativity are also generated in the process.

The family dynamic is unique to each constellation of individuals, and affected by generations beyond the current one. As parents see their own patterns reflected in their developing children they become aware of the way their parents behaved with them and can heal and change old rifts and conflicts within themselves.

The more honest and clear the parents become as they peel off the older layers of their own experience, with the awareness gained in craniosacral sessions, the more secure the children feel as a rule. Children long to connect with adults that they can feel are really there, that are really coming from their centre and whom they can count on to show up, to respond. That way they can get a sense of themselves and develop, which is every being’s deepest yearning.

Often one partner develops at a different rate from the other, and during sessions we gradually   learn not to take things personally, and just to look at your own side of the equation, to do your own work, and let the others take care of themselves. Life has an amazing way of organising the dynamics of change within a family to provide just the right events at the right times, to fit in with what is going on externally. What looks like a catstrophe can often catalyse deep healing and a shift to a much more positive space for everyone. The key is always to stay in the open, to stay in the space of not knowing, to be with whatever emotions and impulses are arising and to trust. The process of change can be daunting at first, but as people get used to it, a sense of trust and excitement can develop for whatever will come next. The general movement is always one of allowing authenticity, expanding aliveness and joy and a sense of collective growth and evolution. It is the most wonderful thing to be involved in as a family.

As one father put it:

“I am so grateful to you for the work you have done with me and my family. I can’t even begin to express. First I learnt to feel my body, and to be more in my flow, now the answers to my business issues come to me much more easily, and the most wonderful thing is that the whole family is on board. We are making changes in our lives but we are all doing it together, so its making sense and feels like real fun. No-one is compromising and we’re finding ways to make things work for all of us together. It’s the most amazing experience…”

In that particular family the father came for sessions first, followed by the mother, and then finally the two children, who made huge progress. These happened to be parents who realized that by far the largest influence you have on your child is by example, not by co-ercion, which is why they came first, rather than sending their children. They understood rapidly that if your child is exhibiting a certain behaviour, you need to look for and correct it in yourself as the parent. Obviously such dynamics take some effort and willingness to uncover, but the effort is so worthwhile. In the words of the same father,

“I just can’t imagine where we would be now as a family without you. In the last year of working with you we have found a new direciton together, and sorted out so much of our chaos. We’re all happier and much closer than before. And we’re working with each other rather than fighting our own positions.”

Craniosacral therapy can have a huge impact on the family dynamics through the awareness it gives the individuals, and the process of growth which it catalyses. Because it is an embodied rather than thought-centred process, effects are profound and lasting.

Tagged as: craniosacral for children, Craniosacral therapy, emotional issues, family issues, issues with children, parent-child relationships, relating

Filed Under: Health, Lifestyle Tagged With: child health, craniosacral for children, craniosacral therapy, emotional issues, family issues, how to parent, issues with children, paren-chile relationships, parenting, relationship

A Basic Guide to Highly Sensitive Children

August 13, 2011 by craniohealing Leave a Comment

 

by Mira on AUGUST 13, 2011

Highly Senstivie Children – what sensitive children need and how to give it to them. Calm play in nature is an important component…


Introduction

If you are the parent of a sensitive child you may be familiar with the frustration and mystery of trying to work out what your child needs, what they are trying to communicate and what to do to help them develop. This article is intended as a guide to orient parents, school teachers and relatives to know where to start. It contains pointers to help you learn to feel and relate to their child, and to understand what their world is like from the inside.

In broad srokes, Highly Sensitive Children often need help calming their nervous systems, processing emotion, and learning to name and express the wealth of sensations and emotions they are experiencing. They expereince everything on volume ten and when it gets too loud they melt down, just like a fuse. No two children are the same, yet this article contains the broader principles within which you as adults can work out the details by observation, trial and error. You may also find it helpful to work with a practitioner (like myself, most craniosacral therapists, and those who work with gifted/senstive adults and children) who is trained to focus on perceiving at a very sensitive level, as they can be of great assistance in translating the child’s world and experience you as the parents, and facilitate a more satisfactory relationship between you and child… S/he may be able to help you as parents or teacher adjust to the child’s needs and show you how to make the more empathetic contact that will support the child’s healthy development.

What do Sensitive Children Need?

Being taken more seriously, faster responses to their emotional needs… more time and space to recover from activity and figure things out for themselves… soothing…

Sensitivity is not just an inconvenience or something that you can make disappear if it doesn’t suit you. One if five people seems to have a much more sensitive nervous system than other people. This means that their experience is heightened – things are louder, brighter, faster and much deeper for these kind of people. They are more easily overwhelmed and take longer to recover than others. They feel things more intensely, need to process events more thoroughly and tend to be very careful about making decisions to do things… only acting when they are absolutely sure… Such people also respond extremely well to craniosacral therapy because it is sensitive and does not overwhelm their delicate nervous systems. This is true for adults as well as children. However if parents can acknowledge and support their child’s sensitivity, such a child can grow up healthy with their figts in tact, rather than being heavily traumatised and having little confidence – so it’s well worth the effort.

How are their requirements different from those of other children? 

They need more sensitive parenting! In practise, that means that attuned attention or precise emotional empathy is vital. Imagine a child with a highly magnified bubble around them full of their own experiences and thoughts and observations. Their nervous system picks up every nuance and change in the surroundings. Their life is rich with things they want to share with you. Showing you a sesame seed on their finger tip for example. A caterpillar on a leaf. Chalk dust under the blackboard. If you don’t make the effort to tune into their world as a parent, you will miss out on connecting with them, and they are left with the sense of being totally alone, unconnected and ignored. They will try to make sense of this by assuming they are wrong and will think their needs are not relevant, which can be really crippling for such sensitive children.. The cycle of self-criticism and self-denial begins, and often leads to later depression and relational problems.

Importance of Attuned Attention and Emotional Regulation

More than other children, they really can’t exist without daily quality attention and feedback on their states. They require a more immediate response to their emotional needs than other children because their sensitivity means they don’t have as much tolerance. A small change in their internal environment may feel huge and very frightenting, and if left unattended leads to shock and then trauma as the nervous system overloads and shuts down. Highly sensitive children react more intensely when their blood sugar falls and they get hungry. A highly senstitive child can’t be asked to wait to eat when they are hungry, or the internal storm of sensation and emotion becomes so intense that the rest of the day is a wipe-out. This is not a dysfunction in the child, but rather the result of a highly sensitive nervous system with less slack or tolerance of extremes.

They also tend to appear to be “shy” in that they pull away from new people and observe. Its not actually the case that they are shy, but rather that they perceive a lot more than other kids, and take longer to process the information. They also test people carefully to see whether they are respectful of their needs and boundaries or not, and physically run away from adults who unknowlingly try to overwhelm them. This is a very healthy trait and should be respected and encouraged. Such children know what they can and can’t handle, and even at age 12 months are taking active care of themselves.

So as the parent of such a child, you need to be present and connected with your feelings and sensations, rather than lost in thought. This will allow you to perceive what is going on with your child, and to respond instinctively through the connection you build up with them. If you don’t know how to do this, craniosacral treatments can be a huge support for you in helping you to learn to feel, to connect with yourself, and to be able to connect with your child. I currently offer a course of weekly sessions online to enable you to practise getting embodied step by step and stay present.

How Craniosacral Therapy can help deal with Sensitivity

Craniosacral therapy also opens up blocks in your core energy, and can enable you to be more present and freer with expressing your instincts. This will probably help you more than any parenting “technique” in accessing your instinctual response to your child, to give them the stimulus they need developmentally, soothe them when distressed etc. Even if you feel you don’t know how to parent, the thousands of years of human parenting are stored in your body and will naturally come out at the appropriate time if you allow yourself to set aside you thinking, your fear of getting it wrong, and the ideas you’ve been told. Everyone can parent, its literally, natural! Craniosacral therapy can help you get back in touch with that embodied nature…

Highly sensitive children are ususally very sensitive to sound and smell, and easily disturbed by abrupt movments, loud aggressive people, and hysterical or frightened behaviour. These are kids who really need adults to calm down before they approach them because their systems are to sensitive that they pick up and resonate with the slightest hint of emotion or nervous energy, and they don’t have the capacity to get themselves calm whilst the stimulous is still around.

If you as the parent are a highly strung or nervous, then they are likely to suffer constantly… which is why working on your own calm as a priority is even more important for these children. Again, learning to regulate your own nervous system or self soothe through craniosacral sessions can be highly beneficial.

And your child can benefit immensely from having the chance to learn to feel sensation in their own body during a quiet, safe craniosacral session when they will not be overwhelmed or too frightened to cope. Craniosacral sessions can also help them to begin to learn to name emotions, allow anger and express their inner states and needs. In a normal family environment this can be very hard for sensitive children because they just cant seem to find enough space or quiet to get connect with themselves, and parents may simly not know be able to tell what they need. They tend to end up rather quiet, lost and ghost-like which is a shame given the huge amount of felt experience and imagination they have to contribute to life. By paying proper attention as the parent you can help them connect with life more fully.

More rest and quiet time

Highly sensitive children also need more down time to rest between activities. In general it is not that they are anti-social, but they tend to enjoy their own company, and need solitary time every day because other people are so “loud” energetically and emotionally that they smother and squash them so they can’t feel themselves. Once their nervous systems get aroused they take longer to calm back down to a comfortable state, and they are also more affected by eg. A visit to the swings, or a friend coming to play. They take longer to recover and come back to themselves. Similarly, if you give them strong or sugary foods, they may react more than a less senstivie child. This doesn’t mean they need to be sheltered from life, but rather shown more tolerance in handling their experience, and space to work out what they need for themselves without interference.

Above all they need to be taken seriously. When a boy says he wants to play football for 5 minutes in the garage, then he really does want that, and out in the patio is not the same. A sensitive child will feel denial of his wishes as an extreme hurt and rejection of his self, whereas a more robust child might be able to brush it off.

Relating to sensitive children effectively

Parents of sensitive children need to be careful not to dominate them with their own emotions, and to leave plenty of space and time in conversations for these children to form their own opinions and responses. This can be agonisingly slow and frustrating, especially when there are other children in the family who are not like this. However if you don’t make these allowances you give the child the message that they should be different. Not only does this destroy their self-worth, but it is an impossible demand on their nervous system, which can only process things at the speed and volume that it does, and it can create physiological problems, nervous system distrubances and eventually extreme trauma.

What does not dominating your children mean in practice? In practical terms it means asking questions without expecting a particular answer. It means listening openly without thinking, and experiencing the answers without reacting. It means not forcing them to do what you want, but letting them be and negotiating a course of action. In energetic terms it means speaking only after you can feel your feet, are calm and with yourself, and to check that you can feel yourself, and feel the child when you communicate. If you take the time to sense yourself, you will feel where the edge of your being or energy meets your child, and whether you are meeting them at the right distance and intensity to make them feel comfortable and able to respond. If this is something that is unfamiliar to you or you would like to know more, i offer face to face sessions by zoom, where i show you how to increase your awareness and ability to relate empathetically to your children. In addition, having craniosacral therapy will support this process by helping you to learn to feel your own body and experience your own emotions. These are simple but essential steps in being able to relate effectively to a highly sensitive child.

Tagged as: calming nervous system, Craniosacral therapy, effective parenting, emotional regulation, highly sensitive child, relating to children, sensitivity

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

netty puji rahayu February 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm

really useful articke for me at the momet, thanks.

by Mira on AUGUST 13, 2011

If you are the parent of a sensitive child you may be familiar with the frustration and mystery of trying to work out what your child needs, what they are trying to communicate and what to do to help them develop. Craniosacral therapy can be a useful tool both for treating parents of sensitive children to help them to learn to feel and relate to their child, and for the child also. Sensitive children often need help calming their nervous systems, processing emotion, and learning to name and express the wealth of sensations and emotions they are experiencing. Since the craniosacral practitioner is trained to focus on perceiving at a very sensitive level, s/he can be of great assistance in translating the child’s world and experience to the parents, and facilitating a satisfactory relationship between parents and child… S/he may be able to help the parents adjust to their child’s needs and show them how to make the more empathetic contact that will support the child’s healthy development.

What do Sensitive Children Need?

Being taken more seriously, faster responses to their emotional needs… more time and space to recover from activity and figure things out for themselves… soothing…

Sensitivity is not just an inconvenience or something that you can make disappear if it doesn’t suit you. One if five people seems to have a much more sensitive nervous system than other people. This means that their experience is heightened – things are louder, brighter, faster and much deeper for these kind of people. They are more easily overwhelmed and take longer to recover than others. They feel things more intensely, need to process events more thoroughly and tend to be very careful about making decisions to do things… only acting when they are absolutely sure… Such people also respond extremely well to craniosacral therapy because it is sensitive and does not overwhelm their delicate nervous systems. This is true for adults as well as children. However if parents can acknowledge and support their child’s sensitivity, such a child can grow up healthy with their figts in tact, rather than being heavily traumatised and having little confidence – so it’s well worth the effort.

How are their requirements different from those of other children? 

They need more sensitive parenting! In practise, that means that attuned attention or precise emotional empathy is vital. Imagine a child with a highly magnified bubble around them full of their own experiences and thoughts and observations. Their nervous system picks up every nuance and change in the surroundings. Their life is rich with things they want to share with you. Showing you a sesame seed on their finger tip for example. A caterpillar on a leaf. Chalk dust under the blackboard. If you don’t make the effort to tune into their world as a parent, you will miss out on connecting with them, and they are left with the sense of being totally alone, unconnected and ignored. They will try to make sense of this by assuming they are wrong and will think their needs are not relevant, which can be really crippling for such sensitive children.. The cycle of self-criticism and self-denial begins, and often leads to later depression and relational problems.

Importance of Attuned Attention and Emotional Regulation

More than other children, they really can’t exist without daily quality attention and feedback on their states. They require a more immediate response to their emotional needs than other children because their sensitivity means they don’t have as much tolerance. A small change in their internal environment may feel huge and very frightenting, and if left unattended leads to shock and then trauma as the nervous system overloads and shuts down. Highly sensitive children react more intensely when their blood sugar falls and they get hungry. A highly senstitive child can’t be asked to wait to eat when they are hungry, or the internal storm of sensation and emotion becomes so intense that the rest of the day is a wipe-out. This is not a dysfunction in the child, but rather the result of a highly sensitive nervous system with less slack or tolerance of extremes.

They also tend to appear to be “shy” in that they pull away from new people and observe. Its not actually the case that they are shy, but rather that they perceive a lot more than other kids, and take longer to process the information. They also test people carefully to see whether they are respectful of their needs and boundaries or not, and physically run away from adults who unknowlingly try to overwhelm them. This is a very healthy trait and should be respected and encouraged. Such children know what they can and can’t handle, and even at age 12 months are taking active care of themselves.

So as the parent of such a child, you need to be present and connected with your feelings and sensations, rather than lost in thought. This will allow you to perceive what is going on with your child, and to respond instinctively through the connection you build up with them. Craniosacral treatments can be a huge support for you in helping you to learn to feel, to connect with yourself, and to be able to connect with your child.

How Craniosacral Therapy can help deal with Sensitivity

Craniosacral therapy also opens up blocks in your core energy, and can enable you to be more present and freer with expressing your instincts. This will probably help you more than any parenting “technique” in accessing your instinctual response to your child, to give them the stimulus they need developmentally, soothe them when distressed etc. Even if you feel you don’t know how to parent, the thousands of years of human parenting are stored in your body and will naturally come out at the appropriate time if you allow yourself to set aside you thinking, your fear of getting it wrong, and the ideas you’ve been told. Everyone can parent, its literally, natural! Craniosacral therapy can help you get back in touch with that embodied nature…

Highly sensitive children are ususally very sensitive to sound and smell, and easily disturbed by abrupt movments, loud aggressive people, and hysterical or frightened behaviour. These are kids who really need adults to calm down before they approach them because their systems are to sensitive that they pick up and resonate with the slightest hint of emotion or nervous energy, and they don’t have the capacity to get themselves calm whilst the stimulous is still around.

If you as the parent are a highly strung or nervous, then they are likely to suffer constantly… which is why working on your own calm as a priority is even more important for these children. Again, learning to regulate your own nervous system or self soothe through craniosacral sessions can be highly beneficial.

And your child can benefit immensely from having the chance to learn to feel sensation in their own body during a quiet, safe craniosacral session when they will not be overwhelmed or too frightened to cope. Craniosacral sessions can also help them to begin to learn to name emotions, allow anger and express their inner states and needs. In a normal family environment this can be very hard for sensitive children because they just cant seem to find enough space or quiet to get connect with themselves, and parents may simly not know be able to tell what they need. They tend to end up rather quiet, lost and ghost-like which is a shame given the huge amount of felt experience and imagination they have to contribute to life. By paying proper attention as the parent you can help them connect with life more fully.

More rest and quiet time

Highly sensitive children also need more down time to rest between activities. In general it is not that they are anti-social, but they tend to enjoy their own company, and need solitary time every day because other people are so “loud” energetically and emotionally that they smother and squash them so they can’t feel themselves. Once their nervous systems get aroused they take longer to calm back down to a comfortable state, and they are also more affected by eg. A visit to the swings, or a friend coming to play. They take longer to recover and come back to themselves. Similarly, if you give them strong or sugary foods, they may react more than a less senstivie child. This doesn’t mean they need to be sheltered from life, but rather shown more tolerance in handling their experience, and space to work out what they need for themselves without interference.

Above all they need to be taken seriously. When a boy says he wants to play football for 5 minutes in the garage, then he really does want that, and out in the patio is not the same. A sensitive child will feel denial of his wishes as an extreme hurt and rejection of his self, whereas a more robust child might be able to brush it off.

Relating to sensitive children effectively

Parents of sensitive children need to be careful not to dominate them with their own emotions, and to leave plenty of space and time in conversations for these children to form their own opinions and responses. This can be agonisingly slow and frustrating, especially when there are other children in the family who are not like this. However if you don’t make these allowances you give the child the message that they should be different. Not only does this destroy their self-worth, but it is an impossible demand on their nervous system, which can only process things at the speed and volume that it does, and it can create physiological problems, nervous system distrubances and eventually extreme trauma.

What does not dominating your children mean in practice? In practical terms it means asking questions without expecting a particular answer. It means listening openly without thinking, and experiencing the answers without reacting. It means not forcing them to do what you want, but letting them be and negotiating a course of action. In energetic terms it means speaking only after you can feel your feet, are calm and with yourself, and to check that you can feel yourself, and feel the child when you communicate. If you take the time to sense yourself, you will feel where the edge of your being or energy meets your child, and whether you are meeting them at the right distance and intensity to make them feel comfortable and able to respond. If this is something that is unfamiliar to you or you would like to know more, you can take the transformational parenting course by skype or in person, and learn the details of how to increase your awareness and ability to relate empathetically to your children. Having craniosacral therapy will support this process by helping you to learn to feel your own body and experience your own emotions. These are simple but essential steps in being able to relate effectively to a highly sensitive child.

Tagged as: calming nervous system, Craniosacral therapy, effective parenting, emotional regulation, highly sensitive child, relating to children, sensitivity

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

netty puji rahayu February 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm

really useful articke for me at the momet, thanks.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: calming the nervous system, craniosacral therapy, effective parenting, emotional regulation, emotional sensitivity, guide for teachers, hightly sensitivo children, hihgly sensitive child, how to parent, HSC, HSP, relating to children, self soothing, sensitivity, what is high sensitivity

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  • The importance of diet in treating childhood “learning disorders”, ADHD, Asperger’s, Tourette’s and allergies.

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